Throw it All Away ft. Alieus (Track 2)

[Mr.DGAF]

Second track from 'A Group of Writtens'. Alieus dropped a verse on it, and I think this one came out really well. Anyway, leave some feed and let me know what's up with the track.

Beat: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPPHvr-ysD0

[Verse 1 -- Mr. DGAF]
Jason was twenty-three, chasing money and dreams in a tracer
He was hungry to leave, he grabbed his things and left for pay-dirt
Sooner or later he would make it big without a lottery
Hard work and honesty would be the key to ending poverty
Comradery wasn't needed, he was bleeding for green
But hard work wouldn't cease or make it easy to eat
He fiended for things that he couldn't reach without a bang
So he pulled out a piece and seemed to think he'd rob a bank
Now stop and think about it Jason, what's the price to pay?
Could a few hundred k be worth throwing your life away?
Well right away he'd answer yes, this was the only means
He rolled up to a bank and told the lady "Pay me please!"
She rushed into the vault and grabbed a bag and started stacking
He'd get his cash and dash back to his crib to start the packing
She staggered back and handed Jason every dollar, shocked
But as he went to bail police rolled up and hollered "Stop!"
He walked outside with caution, he just can't be caught by cops
He raised his hands and told them, "This is really all I got!"
He reached inside his jacket, to pull out a leather wallet
They pulled their guns and capped him, from his jacket fell a locket


[Chorus]
He's stupid, He's crazy
He can't stop thinking lately
"The money, has changed me"
What would you do for your dreams?

[Verse 2 -- Alieus]
With the sirens in the distance, Jay's eyes begin to dimmin'
Mind's dwindlin' and his heart is diminishin' in rhythm
His limbs have stiffened in an instance and it isn't
A surprised demise this time his grimey life officially has finished
The officer that shot the kid walked up to him and spotted his
Locket in his palm not gripped, he opted to look, fondled it
Unlocked the lid, he was stuck, shocked and horror stricken
He silenced, winced and grimaced, tryna describe what he just witnessed
Inside, the pic within it made him cry as if committed
A crime akin a criminal, wishin' one to wake him from this dream
Legs began to quake and shake amid his knees, intuition ceased
In a minute he couldn't grit his teeth, "Life isn't worth livin"
He spited at the heavens, workers wondered why he was a wreck
The figure contained in it was a picure of Jason with
The officer - his father - with his wife and his two siblins
Prior to when he ran away and aspired to win the riches

[Chorus]
He's stupid, He's crazy
He can't stop thinking lately
"The money, has changed me"
What would you do for your dreams?


Mr.DGAF feed: http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=143078
Menzo feed: http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=143057

[JamaicanPattlez]

This is really dope. I honestly don't even know what to feed on this. Haha. Imo, I would have taken a different flow to it, but that's basically how every rapper is like. No two rappers' flows (well, a GOOD rapper!) are the same. Heartfelt, strongly-tied to emotions, and very well written. Both did very well on that. Y'all need to start going to audio now. Smh. Well done.

[Mr.DGAF]

Both of you were really dope, story telling was top notch, and the chorus is great. I get a singing feel from it.

Menzo took it lyrically, and the flow on this part made me say "wow":

His limbs have stiffened in an instance and it isn't
A surprised demise this time his grimey life officially has finished

All in all a really dope piece guys. I nailed the flows on the 1st try, something that almost never happens with writers here, as they usually have some issues or don't write to a beat. Good choice btw.

Thanks man, I was really happy with how this came together. First attempt at a story piece, especially as a collab, so I wasn't sure how it would go.

Big props to DGaf for giving me the freedom to interpret and paint my own image from what he left This was a great collab homie.

Haha, it came together really well dude, you did the story justice. Great collab indeed haha.

This is really dope. I honestly don't even know what to feed on this. Haha. Imo, I would have taken a different flow to it, but that's basically how every rapper is like. No two rappers' flows (well, a GOOD rapper!) are the same. Heartfelt, strongly-tied to emotions, and very well written. Both did very well on that. Y'all need to start going to audio now. Smh. Well done.

Thanks man, glad you enjoyed this ish.

[JamaicanPattlez]

Both of you were really dope, story telling was top notch, and the chorus is great. I get a singing feel from it.

Menzo took it lyrically, and the flow on this part made me say "wow":

His limbs have stiffened in an instance and it isn't
A surprised demise this time his grimey life officially has finished

All in all a really dope piece guys. I nailed the flows on the 1st try, something that almost never happens with writers here, as they usually have some issues or don't write to a beat. Good choice btw.

Thanks man, I was really happy with how this came together. First attempt at a story piece, especially as a collab, so I wasn't sure how it would go.

Big props to DGaf for giving me the freedom to interpret and paint my own image from what he left This was a great collab homie.

Haha, it came together really well dude, you did the story justice. Great collab indeed haha.

This is really dope. I honestly don't even know what to feed on this. Haha. Imo, I would have taken a different flow to it, but that's basically how every rapper is like. No two rappers' flows (well, a GOOD rapper!) are the same. Heartfelt, strongly-tied to emotions, and very well written. Both did very well on that. Y'all need to start going to audio now. Smh. Well done.

Thanks man, glad you enjoyed this ish.

You should feed my other piece tbh.

[Mr.DGAF]

Gotchu bruh, I'ma get to it here in a sec.

[Mr.DGAF]

Me and Menzo have done story telling before, but for your first attempt this was even better!

Word, I have a few unreleased story telling tracks too, so I've got some practice. I was actually taken back by how vivid his verse was, it was inspiring.

Haha thanks guys.

[Emadyville]

Damn, both verses were fire.

Loved the flow on DGAF's, and the storytelling was amazing. I really loved the flow/rhymes of:

She staggered back and handed Jason every dollar, shocked
But as he went to bail police rolled up and hollered "Stop!"

Menzo the flow was pretty damn good, storytelling was on point and the part that really flowed/rhymed the best to me was this:

He silenced, winced and grimaced, tryna describe what he just witnessed
Inside, the pic within it made him cry as if committed

overall guys, amazing piece

[Mr.DGAF]

It's okay though, you guys are so weak you need the feed anyway.

Weak like a newborn trying to bench press tbh.

And thanks for the feed Emady, glad you liked it haha.

[Man1x]

Man, nice story telling from both you. Menzo took the technicalities and story telling aspects in all fronts: multis, flow, imagery, drama, twist, emotion. However, I believe that DGAF thought of this concept correct? Anyway (I don't know how this was written and how the collab formed but) that shows me you have a mind for great stories which is something over looked in rap today. It's not all about the multiz and punchlines and braggin'. Stories are the most amazing thing, they are gems that will be forever remembered. So here is my advice, stick with stories focus on IMAGERY, EMOTION, DRAMA, REALITY, & TWISTS. Then after these are met work on the technicalities. Just think of it this way, what Eminem track do you rememeber and like to listen to more, "Stan" or "Won't Back Down." Stan is more rememberable and has more value in my opinion so stick with story telling as your main type of track that you write because, if this is your idea, you have a talent for it and should remain in that category. Let other rappers do the punchlines. Now here is where you can improve, you better words that don't seem odd in certain places such as "He walked outside with caution, he just can't be caught by cops" take out just, it (to me) makes it flow a lot better and just seems overall better, in know this is tiny but those are the things that matter. There some other spots in your verse where you could apply this to improve it but not to many that it diminishes quality. Also this line, "He rolled up to a bank and told the lady "Pay me please!", that shit is oddly worded and was the glaring mistake in this whole piece. The line is fine until "Pay me please!" First, he is a robber not a hobo asking for charity. Second, since when has a robber ever said please or pay me? They usually say things that are offensive and are threats. I understand you did it for the rhyme but that line throws off the other lines because what teller will be afraid of a man that said "Please!" Sounds like he's more scared than her, maybe that's the way you wanted it though and you didn't do it for the rhyme, IDK. Also, your rhymes are very simple but thats okay, just make the words more diverse than something like bang and bank. Lastly, nice foreshadowing "He fiended for things that he couldn't reach without a BANG." Don't know if that was intended. Sorry if I came off as a dick, that's not what I intended, I just want you to be able to make the best stories possible because if this is your idea, you got a mind for it and should expand your skill set and not be pinned down. Good verse from both of you, loved this guys. PEACE!

[Mr.DGAF]

Thanks for the in depth feed man, that shits really appreciated. I thought up the concept, wrote the entire first verse and left it up to Menzo to finish the story, and he killed it.


With the simple rhyming, I sort ofagree, and that was kinda my intent for this piece. I'm trying to tap into every aspect of writing on this EPish thing, because I plan to sort of step down from writing. This was all about the story, with some two to three syllable multies sprinkled in. Though I don't think I kept it too simple, but at the same time I see what you're saying.

In regards to the just can't be caught by cops line, I thought about that one a lot. To me, it flowed better with the extra syllable in there, so that's why I put it there. I don't know if it was just me in that case or what.

The pay me please line was sort of reflecting on how Jason had no idea what he was doing, like he was kind of a good guy that just did what he needed to make it big. Also, I kind of envisioned that part in particular sounding ad libbed, like something out of a Slim Shady type song.

Really appreciate the feed man, I'll try and step my game up for the next piece.

[Man1x]

Thanks for the in depth feed man, that shits really appreciated. I thought up the concept, wrote the entire first verse and left it up to Menzo to finish the story, and he killed it.


With the simple rhyming, I sort ofagree, and that was kinda my intent for this piece. I'm trying to tap into every aspect of writing on this EPish thing, because I plan to sort of step down from writing. This was all about the story, with some two to three syllable multies sprinkled in. Though I don't think I kept it too simple, but at the same time I see what you're saying.

In regards to the just can't be caught by cops line, I thought about that one a lot. To me, it flowed better with the extra syllable in there, so that's why I put it there. I don't know if it was just me in that case or what.

The pay me please line was sort of reflecting on how Jason had no idea what he was doing, like he was kind of a good guy that just did what he needed to make it big. Also, I kind of envisioned that part in particular sounding ad libbed, like something out of a Slim Shady type song.

Really appreciate the feed man, I'll try and step my game up for the next piece.

Glad you understand, don't think I hated it. It was amazing. Vocals would go a long way in making it a clearer representation of what you want it to resemble. It's much easier to find fault in just written songs because they are open to more interpretation. I guess that's the beauty of an amazing story, so many interpretations yet it is focused and everyone gets the same message no matter what angle it is observed from, eh?

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

All I can say is Wow, that was dope as hell. Both verses were crazy. gave me goose bumps. nice.