AhdduB - A Dead Man's Gun

[Ticalrecords]

finally got original production, its a depressing song but fuck it i gotta have one for my mixtape...

so i redid the song since everyone said it wasn't up to par, i hope i made an improvement, tell me what you think



POF: viewtopic.php?f=38&t=143276


new link:
http://soundcloud.com/ahddub/a-dead-man ... -by-street


On the real this venting – feels long over due
So for brevity sake I’ll give ya an over view
No doubt - I really failed - the first time around
Second go – like seriously how much worse could I sound
Third times a charm – dog I’m asking god
Cuz if not – I don’t know if I can last this long/
Day in and day out – faced with the same doubts
And my motivation - fades in and fades out
I can only be sure – tomorrow brings another song
I do all in my power to prove a motherfucker wrong
But is it worth it? - cursing – my luck cuz I don’t deserve it
Nauseous and nervous – when I’m on stage completely immersed in My verses
I lose my mind – trying my hardest to prove in rhyme
To the suits and ties – that you will find – no one else like me who combines
irony and cynicism –and a passion for lyricism
ah fuck it man – just know you can catch me with a gun in hand/ saying


So I dropped out – apparently I copped out
Then of course I got down – and dirty with the wrong crowd
Look at it all now – hailing from a small town
Tryna make it national – ha seems so irrational
Swear to god - circumstance is now dire
I feel like sitting on my lawn and watching a house fire
I feel like an outlier – and not in a good way
I aint feeling like what I feel is something I should say/
Unfortunately Its something I should and will suppress
I feel the stress – swear to god its surreal at best
Sometimes I can’t believe that I’m going through this
Feeling as foolish – dealing with bullshit – all for the music
But I put myself here – it was my own suggestion
they told me it was a bad idea - now I won’t contest it
cuz god damn it – aite I admit I was damn wrong
so I put that gun to my head and have it sing a sad song

[Nefarious]

I didnt really like the beat or the chorus, or the fact that this was one of ur slower songs, you still kept on the topic and wrote plus spit your verses good, also the feeling through the song stayed how it shouldve been, definately not my favourite from you but its always good to do some different songs for different moods.

[Ticalrecords]

word up thanks a milli man idk if i'm gonna include it on my mixtape, but i gotta try something new right haha. btw was my flow and delivery okay on this one? my friends said i'm just not cut out for slow songs and i kinda agree. what do you think?

[Nefarious]

You certainly do sound alot better on a faster beat with more energy, it just compliments your voice and the way you write and rap, but if i were you, id keep working on everything, all around being able to do any type of beat is a must, just incase your ever confronted with a collaberation where someone wants you to do that style, you need to be able to remember how to do it, and be ready to pull it out of you at any time, its also good to have a comfort zone, a certain style that you can master and always go back to when your having doubts about how or what to write, i think you have something alot of people lack and you lack something that not alot of people have, which makes you unique in a good way, but your flow and delivery sometimes can get a little shakey and its more noticeable on the slower beat, but i noticed you do it also on a faster beat, it might be cramming to many words into one line, im sure you'll be able to fix that with time, my only other advice would be try and do your own choruses, or let someone else do them, insted of having a sample, if you can do the chorus yourself that would be the best thing to work on

[Ticalrecords]

yo thanks broski, i know it must have taken some time articulate that, fuck it even to type that out and i really appreciate the feedback. you don't know how much it means to me, its like pulling teeth w some of my friends. i def take everything you say seriously cuz your ill as fuck naw mean. good look though.

[B.A.D.]

thats a dope ass hook, the beat sucks tho' lol, but I did liked the chorrus part a lot.

I think you writing kind of didn't fit the tempo, (topic wise is perfect). but to get the best flow out of this you probably could have added a couple extra syllables at the end cuz it keeps feeling forced. I love your delivery but I dont relly think it fits the mood at all lol. you sound very happy for a sad track if you feel me?. Your energy and delivery is great but you have to think on what the mood is asking for you at this moment.

lyrics and quality wise, there's really not an issue, probably the performance needs a bit of guidance or review. But the song itself is beautiful man, so great Job!.

keep at it

[M-Pyre]

beat is cool, very mellow. awesome chorus, probably the best part. tho it could be a bit louder, but not really necessary. lyrics are pretty good for what it's about anyways, I mean, you could put more compounded syllables in there, but hey, this song is for the ladies right haha. anyways, here's some critique..

it seems that half of the time you are playing catch up with the beat. I can feel the hesitation in your voice at times which leaves me with a awkward feeling each time it happens. and it seems that your voice in comparison/ contrast with beat, is a bit bright, try putting some minor effects on your vocals to even it out.

other then that, dope emotional song man. keep it up

[Chet Starr]

If you weren't playing catch up most of the time, I would of loved this song. Fix that, and your be doing good man.

Re do the song, I liked where it was going. & the beat was just my style

[Chet Starr]

Love the new version man. It looses some of slow style (the 1st version reminded me of some codeine southern shit.)

But your not playing catch up, so it's sounds tons better my man. Good job, and that was really fast on the revise

[Ticalrecords]

thanks man i appreciate the second listen, i guess all it took was getting more familiar with the material ha