WorDs- Outcast

[Words]

This is my first time recording something I've actually written and not just a freestyle.
This was the first piece I recorded of a 6 song EP with a tentative release of 4/13/12. I'd like to know what you guys think. Also, the beat is co-produced by me.

Edit: (TAKEN DOWN. It's not my time for the AS yet.) -WorDs

LOF: viewtopic.php?f=38&t=143707

[Spyder]

ok first off, dont let that ep go man. not being a dick but youll only make your name synonymous with bad music.

heres why:

Delivery: you sound like your talking half a sleep bro. you gotta get emotion in that shit, yell without sounding corny. your talking about an Ex? or a chick either way, u gotta feel what you say man. you sound like your scared of someone hearing you(which i understand) but u must get over that. if your worried about quality get a pop filter if u dont have one, and just go nuts with emotion man.

Flow: barely there, u realize that u have to stay on the drum pattern, but your try way to hard. gotta have same syllable count in each line, if you increase gotta double time(which u shouldnt do yet) or if u lessen syllabes, gotta make appropriate pauses. you waited to hit the drum because u knew u were off. just add more syllables man and make sure its the same as other lines. thats how u get structure. its different than text just making sure lines are the same length. so gotta work on that, make it sound like the beat was made for that.

lyrics: eh, gotta step up the complexity and inners, topic matter is ok, its typical but i mean everyone makes a song about a girl sometime so. but lyrics arnt the real concentration here.

beat choice. not bad, i mean you should be around that bpm to start off with, with a 4/4 so thats good. look for low 90's bpm for first few tracks til you get the hang of it.

quality: not horrible but, mixing was boring. add overlays or addlibs man, i heard the echoes but thats the only effects. just really add to emphasis of the main parts of your verse. your hook blends in with the verses. only the amount of echoes and spaces between lines let me know it was the hook. record multiple verses and mess with the panning and volume.
also add some reverb to your voice man, itll sound weird on the accapella but itll sound alot better on the beat.

side note - dont take this too hard. im still getting the hang of shit man, i started off about the same as you man, youll work your way up. just take advice people give you and read some mixing tutorials.

[Words]

I was expecting it. I know I'm not great yet. Thanks for the honest feedback, I'll try to use it to improve.