Just Getting Started. A short Verse.

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

LOF: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=144119
viewtopic.php?f=24&t=137127&start=30

Hey all, I just started writing and put this together, this is the best that I have written so far although I know it is not very good at all and not very long, just looking for some criticism and what I can do better or things that I can do to practice! Thanks

Ill rap till i stack deadly tracks on my back
Tragedies fed me the capsules of wrath
Hope that your ready for the wacko in dash
ill be steady scrapping till im shittin in bags
stay on track im hittin drags of the zags
lay off the gas im in your ass like a fag
lyrics blowing your brain to frag-ments
spirits showing the lane i passed you in
fear it driving with shots of drank hits of acid
im disappearing, stop to think and you'll get blasted
by a 44 magnum, wont shoot past it
so steer clear if you value your life
and fear the tears i dropp on the mic
ignite the pipe that is clearing my mind
so sit frown and stare in silence
while i get down and bare the violence
wont say shit now like i wear a wire
and when i die and this shit is all over
ill blow, and light the sky like a supernova

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

Wow man thanks that is great advice. I'm glad that you told me all that while Im just getting into it that will help a lot. Multis are definitely the thing I am finding most difficult right now.
I'm starting to take about 10 minutes a day to get started writing and I usually write for a bit longer than that.

Also, I struggle with what to write about then staying on that subject but am definitely working on it. I like to practice in the cypher thread as much as I can, I feel like it helps a lot.

I know it will come along with practice! Thanks a lot for the input. Ill check out your stuff If I can find it lol!

[Spyder]

not bad for starting man, you have the concept of flow/multies/inners.

basically what i gotta say is dont sacrifice sense for a rhyme. alot of your lines weren't coherent.
also, make sure when doing multies that the syllable count is the same, like the frag-ment line.
the next line the flow is thrown off because it doesnt have the same syllables with the multies.

just find a nice topic and go it at, not bad tho

[CrashBand]

yeah. this wasn't that bad at all for a beginner.

Best advice would be to write to a beat. When I'm writing to the beat I make sure every bar flows smoothly with it. (well I try to). Even if you pause the beat and keep going over it.

Multies of course will help you flow big time.
as Insane Trex and Spyder said when you are actually writing verses you need to make it coherent and don't just rhyme for the saking rhyming. cough* Tech N9ne* cough.

But if you want to practice rhyming you can use the multi cypher and writie out strings of multies. (and not every single syllable has to line up)

eg. son of a bitch / funner it gets / fuck i'm a dick / wondering this etc.

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

@ spyder thanks man, I will working on getting a topic and staying on it for my next one.

@ crashband im finally starting to realize the help of multis. I have written with a beat a couple of times but im usually out and about when i think of something to write down, but Ill start with that too!! thanks for the feed back guys.

[Mr.DGAF]

I can't really elaborate on much here, its been said. The rhymes are good, but not much flows coherently. Its a good start for sure though, it shows you have potential. Just get a topic and write about it, as much as you can. It doesn't have to be anything abstract, just something to get the juices flowing in one collective thought. The rhyme scheme transition could be smoother too, a number of things could help with that. You could carry over the last set of rhymes into the first half of the next bar, or you could introduce the new scheme with the last scheme at the same time.

But yeah, it was a good starting point. Just keep knocking 'em out.

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

All the info you guys have given me is great!! I already have about 3 pages in a journal of multi syllable rhymes(not written in a verse yet). Its helping me loads.
Im about to start practicing on a new piece and hopefully it will be better!!

Thanks a lot all!