I needed to purge a story.

[Gummybur]

LOF viewtopic.php?f=24&t=146014&p=1924351#p1924351

I just thought of this concept...just looking for a few opinions if I should continue to make this a full length or not. Thanks!


Stay outside, most of us do.

Some others take the ferocious route.

Jammed between walls one and two.

Make it through a fault in the first, smash into the next.

Crack open a malt for the thirst, take a little rest.

Confusion, fussin', concussion.

Everyone in there, Donald Trumpin'.

Everyone out there, Donald Chumpin'.

Everyone with me, Donald Somethin'.

Guess this says a lot about my self.

They take their Poland Spring over the hills.

I take my pole and sing give me the pills.

I scream Why won't you, please let me out, why, why?

I guess I'm a fly, trapped between a screen and a window tonight.

[Gummybur]

Yeah, usually I kind of write to just write. If I let it flow to a beat with some of the same lines, and extend it more do you think it would be an alright concept?

[Gummybur]

Haha, you got me. I'll write a complete song without a plan, and usually end up forcing it into a beat, which usually ends pretty badly.

[mdemaz]

Yeah, I don't mind poems at all, they're more raw and deep, but yeah.
Keep dropping, dude.

[Slim Fiasco]

Given that you've just begun writing, I can't really judge your work. The more you write the better, and I'd rather have you have short lines than very long ones, haha. I see that you've already made some improvements though, so that's great. But yeah in general my best advices are packed in that tutorial thread, the link to which I posted in your previous piece I think. Check that out and you'll gain plenty of insight. Geno gave you a great advice with the rhymes on snares thingy, so read my thread to understand the concept a little better.

[Gummybur]

I'm just free-styling to my self lately, while at work, if I'm at home just play random instrumentals and figure out how to get that feeling that I call "Open mind" meaning my heads open to every word I know. I get to points like that randomly and it feels amazing.

What I can't understand is how to know how many "bars" a verse should be until the chorus, I understand now that would make it very easy on my to write a decent piece.

[Gummybur]

Maybe if its possible, link me to an instrumental that would be decent practice for me?