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Freeverse (Fiasco Day 1)

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Re: Freeverse (Fiasco Day 1)

Postby Slim Fiasco » Jun 19th, '12, 09:21

Hahah, I liked how pissed off you sounded in this one. Not that you really was, but that's how I perceived this piece. You can definitely tell that it was done in a hurry, but what I mean here is that that little story in the verse happened in a hurry as well, lol. So I don't know, I don't think that this was bad as you make it out to be, I liked that it conveyed the mood of you being in a hurry, if that makes sense.
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Re: Freeverse (Fiasco Day 1)

Postby ShAdYTiLIDie » Jun 19th, '12, 13:22

Lol this is actually a great verse for being written in only 10 minutes!! If I tried that I would basically have like 6 lines lol, actually it takes me about 10 minutes to even get started then once I start things come to my head easier! anyway, Like I said this was good, there were a lot of multi inners which I love to see and the rhyming was really cool! Lol and the ending is great! Nice job dude.
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Re: Freeverse (Fiasco Day 1)

Postby Mr.DGAF » Jun 19th, '12, 15:51

This isn't really that bad man. The rhyming is cool, this piece actually flowed coherently. That was good mane. I dunno what else to say, the acura line was my favorite, very fun to say out loud.
You'd be surprised...
How many truths you can hide in flows

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Re: Freeverse (Fiasco Day 1)

Postby SG. » Jun 19th, '12, 19:31

This was good for a 10-minute piece. It flowed well, and you told your story consistently. However, it might be just me, but even just looking at it without reading it, you can tell the structure is a mess.
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