"Decapitated Angel" (Fiasco Day 4)

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

Almost thought I wouldnt finish this, its been a busy day I think I'll start writing my verses in the morning!


LOF: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=146252&p=1926541#p1926541


standing here staying in the shadows behind you
or I might come up from the gravel and knife through
your spine ooh, but your bitch and crash in your wifes room
I animal bite you like a cannibals pie ew
now your wifes spooked I use my vaginal spike to
travel right through her ass and she might puke
She knows I have the force to massacre bibles
and shatter my rivals just for asking for mercy
She cant fathom my rhymes shes battered and hurting
I'm laughing and smerking grabbing the burnt weed
and ashing on her knees this chick has to be thirty
shes cursing I look up and see a banged in halo
Sitting here dealing with the fact I'm raping skank hoes
this girl acted up so I slashed her face and strangled
drinking beer shit i'm smashed and whered my brain go
So I chop my head off Now I'm a decapitated angel

[Mr.DGAF]

Damn man, the rhymes. The fucking rhymes. This piece was rhyme overload dude, there's no denying you can rhyme your ass of. Now you've just gotta perfect the flow and such. Which I felt, for this piece, that the flow was a bit choppy. I think it may actually be due to the insane amount of rhymes. The way they're placed might actually damage the flow. But I dunno, its hard for me to really get that bent out of shape because of these rhymes man. I mean wow, so many multies.

[Slim Fiasco]

Yeah, as Mr.DGAF said, the rhyming is excellent. And of course, you also managed to utilize the topic in a great way. Awesome!

[CrashBand]

Great rhyming ShAdYTiLIDie (need a new name). Although the animal bite, cannibal pie was good the but the 'ew' was a little bit awkward. But I understand you are pumping these out daily.
I don't really get what you meant by massacre bibles as well?
The last line had too many syllables for me which not only hampered the flow but also the narrative.

I'd of probably gone something like this - "So I chop my head off, a decapitated angel"

But fucking nice rhyming man.

[ShAdYTiLIDie]

Thanks for the feed guys, @ Mr.DGAF I guess I just struggle with flow I cant seem to get it right on I usually write to a beat and most flows but some things I just cant get right lol, I am going to google some tips on getting that right
and @ crashband yeah it did seem a tad akward I just threw it in there for the rhymes sake,