Changes (Fiasco Day 11)

[Mr.DGAF]

Here's my day 11 piece. I was gonna do something funny, but I started writing and this just happened. Hopefully you guys enjoy it.

*DISCLAIMER* I couldn't find the beat for this, I wrote this while J. Cole's "Killers" was playing and I really want it to go to this beat, so I'm gonna link you guys to the actual song. Try and block out the words if you can, if not, I guess read it without a beat. Sorry for that.

Feed: http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=146401
Beat: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sc9y75GgSuI

If you've studied history you'll know the faults a man can make
When we fall we act okay and brush it off, a damned mistake
And that's the case for every one of us, the differences we share
Are really instances when errors show how similiar our her-
itage has made us, so the fact that rulers all across the world have failed
Is no surprise, so if I told you guys that I would cure us males
And serve to help the future race of humans grow, evolving towards
A purpose or a certain cause to make the earth revolve for-ward
And not return to past mistakes you'd know that it's impossible
To stop the slew of cocks that spew the shit that causes you
To doubt the art in you, and want to give up on a dream you once pursued
But I won't listen to a dude that grew up wearing fucking suits
That tells me dreaming won't compute to earning things, the business world
Is ruthless and to bend the curve and get ahead you'll switch and learn
That living really isn't worth the time it takes to make it happen
But they probably can't imagine someone who could take the past
And learn from it and change his actions to reflect his current state
So if I ruled the world I'd take the ones who want to earn their place
And lift them from the earth where maybe doubt is just a word they say
To help you fuel the urge you crave to be someone, not burn away
Like everyone that came before, instead you'll make a name to leave
But shit, to think mistakes will teach the future is just make believe

[Mr.DGAF]

Haha, thanks man. The flow in the first part hinges on the heritage line, I believe. I don't pause there but seperated it to highlight the rhyme as a written. And the forward part I agree with haha, I questioned adding it but I didn't want to change it since it fit with what I wanted to say.

[Sam.]

I liked the message that your verse was trying to project. The problem with the flow is that you broke the last word way too awkwardly, too close for comfort. You need consistency in your flow, should be smooth throughout, while still being complex as fuck. Props to Mole for catching that the "For-ward" rhyme, even I felt it was a lil forced. Good shit, bro.


*Off Topic*

The "make believe" rhyme in the last bar always reminds me of Eyedea. R.I.P.