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Vending Extended

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Vending Extended

Postby Just Silver » Jul 6th, '12, 19:00

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=146537

i just added to a draft for now but im tryin to get back in the swing of things


Try and push my buttons,just know im out of order
Then Ill rob you out of all your nickles dimes and quarters
Like vending on the corner, trying to spend enormous
Am i buying into fortune, will this lead to my distortion
And im thinking quite a portion of this robbing and extortion
Shouldn't do it its wrong, but i should probably get it over
Knowing the fact that my lifes about over,even though i should be about twice as older
Thats the price you pay when your mom was never sober
And you developed a disorder from this shit i should of told ya
Couldn't be any bolder these borders have me cornered
Like a frame on a photo or a portrait ,im loco and im all 4 it
Its supposed to be foreign to me the currency currently
Smoking trees to nourish me so comfortably i can be
Whats happening, shattering thats that one hit wonder masterpiece
I dont chase it but once its after me
My profession finally made me a salary
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Re: Vending Extended

Postby Just Silver » Jul 9th, '12, 20:03

bump
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Re: Vending Extended

Postby Sam. » Jul 9th, '12, 22:23

The content is good, no doubt, you could have presented it a little better. But, the rhyming was a little lame in the 2nd half, the 1st half had some good inner rhymes. I'm not essentially saying that it was bad, just wasn't up to the mark.
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Re: Vending Extended

Postby Just Silver » Jul 9th, '12, 22:58

thanks for the feed
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Re: Vending Extended

Postby Just Silver » Jul 10th, '12, 20:52

last bump
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Re: Vending Extended

Postby Sam. » Jul 10th, '12, 20:56

Feed others to get feed in return - FYI.
[Rollefsen] - SajN retired, bitch got old, unlike Sams "ladies".
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Re: Vending Extended

Postby Just Silver » Jul 10th, '12, 21:06

Sam. wrote:Feed others to get feed in return - FYI.

i definitely would but i can only use the ps3 i have no usb keyboards :(
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Re: Vending Extended

Postby Sam. » Jul 10th, '12, 21:11

Just Silver wrote:
Sam. wrote:Feed others to get feed in return - FYI.

i definitely would but i can only use the ps3 i have no usb keyboards :(

The same way you dropped your verses, the same way drop some feed. :y:
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Re: Vending Extended

Postby Just Silver » Jul 10th, '12, 21:19

Sam. wrote:
Just Silver wrote:
Sam. wrote:Feed others to get feed in return - FYI.

i definitely would but i can only use the ps3 i have no usb keyboards :(

The same way you dropped your verses, the same way drop some feed. :y:

lol i know i was on a laptop though
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Re: Vending Extended

Postby Sam. » Jul 10th, '12, 21:26

Drop feed when you sit on your Laptop then, damn.
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Re: Vending Extended

Postby SliK » Jul 11th, '12, 02:00

Sam. wrote:Drop feed when you sit on your Laptop then, damn.

Mind your own fucking business, damn.
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