I started wrighting A song let me know what you think of it.

[honeybee]

I'm not finnished wrighting it yet.

Chorus

Dad yells att her every day like A comanding officer she's raised military style. He grabs her arm throughs her in her room won't let her out. not to pee not to shit. Won't let her shout she can't see the abuse that is around her. This is A way of life for her. Just A little girl mabby 6 can't even pick up the sticks he threw att her.

Verce 1

So she sits and crys dosen't understand why. Dad comes back to her room opens the door
why you crying girl I'm sick ove hearing you is this clear to you. he pop's her she crys stop he won't stop he throws another pop. The bruises linger for A while but the pain hidden deep inside remains. it's what she hase left to clame. The memories will linger forever.

[polluted]

so saddddddd


imma fucking curbstomp that sadistic bastard and den hang him on a highest tree

[4D]

I'm not finnished wrighting it yet.

Chorus

Dad yells att her every day like A comanding officer she's raised military style. He grabs her arm throughs her in her room won't let her out. not to pee not to shit. Won't let her shout she can't see the abuse that is around her. This is A way of life for her. Just A little girl mabby 6 can't even pick up the sticks he threw att her.

Verce 1

So she sits and crys dosen't understand why. Dad comes back to her room opens the door
why you crying girl I'm sick ove hearing you is this clear to you. he pop's her she crys stop he won't stop he throws another pop. The bruises linger for A while but the pain hidden deep inside remains. it's what she hase left to clame. The memories will linger forever.

Awesome stuff. You should definitely finish it!! There`s a sweet flow to it, but, you`ve it witten like an essay, and i know that it is a story, but, I think this could be amazing if you finish iti off and work on your structure a little bit.

Loved it though!!

[honeybee]

I'm not finnished wrighting it yet.

Chorus

Dad yells att her every day like A comanding officer she's raised military style. He grabs her arm throughs her in her room won't let her out. not to pee not to shit. Won't let her shout she can't see the abuse that is around her. This is A way of life for her. Just A little girl mabby 6 can't even pick up the sticks he threw att her.

Verce 1

So she sits and crys dosen't understand why. Dad comes back to her room opens the door
why you crying girl I'm sick ove hearing you is this clear to you. he pop's her she crys stop he won't stop he throws another pop. The bruises linger for A while but the pain hidden deep inside remains. it's what she hase left to clame. The memories will linger forever.

Awesome stuff. You should definitely finish it!! There`s a sweet flow to it, but, you`ve it witten like an essay, and i know that it is a story, but, I think this could be amazing if you finish iti off and work on your structure a little bit.

Loved it though!!

Thank you in what way could I worke on my structure a little more?

[honeybee]

I want people to relate to it. After I'm done with this one all wright a nother one that won't be so sad.

[4D]

Well, if you look at the lyrics for a song, you`ll notice when a rhyming sentence comes to the end, a new line is started.

blah blah blah
blah blah blah

That type of thing, it doesn`t really matter though. A lot of different artists have different rhythm`s to their lines so it sometimes doesn`t look right when their done like i said. Doesn`t take from the content though, and neither did yours!!