Stand Back (2 Verse Song)

[Evil Twin]

Started writing a while ago. Thought I'd post this and get some feedback from y'all

LOF:
viewtopic.php?f=24&t=155117&p=2135421#p2135421

(Verse 1)

One word of advice, you better take a step back
I ain't here to be nice,you better accept that
Cause I'm the illest thing to ever walk the planet
You see me getting closer, I got you all in panic
All this time wasted I've been slowly preparing
You run along crying, but nobody's caring
I got a cold heart, so dark, no spark
You spit flow at shit shows and this goes,
I ain't ducking competition, fuck the opposition
In my lyrics there will be lots of spitting, got the vision that Big and Pac was missing
You tell all your friends that you wish that I died
But in these sinister lives I come back in a different disguise
So stand back, and try to stop the stress and pressure
Let's see if you take an extremely desperate measure
Say the wrong thing I'll end up breaking your soul
So just hand me the mic because I'm taking control

(Hook x2)

All you fucking fake rappers better stand back
And everybody in the front just let your hands clap
And everybody in the back just step forward
Everybody form together and await the next order

(Verse 2)

I also forgot to say, you got a lot to learn
Don't come running to me because I'm not concerned
Fuck all competitors, I'm better than most
The spirit of Pac and Big, I'm a competitive ghost
So hold the applause, while I'm flowing some bars
I'll you open your jaws, because the moment is ours
In fact, the moment is mine, You see, I'm so intertwined
I'm the next young rapper people are hoping to find
I got a plan, to try to make a major wreckage
Me and my bare hands, it'll only take a second
Got off to a slow start, a slow introduction
Not I'm going in so hard, with no interruption
So keep your mouth shut, this is my moment of silence
I'm just spitting some old sick shit, while promoting violence
So sit back while I fight the urges
No chit chat while I write the verses

(Hook x2)

All you fucking fake rappers better stand back
And everybody in the front just let your hands clap
And everybody in the back just step forward
Everybody form together and await the next order

Some feedback would be much appreciated. I've been working hard trying to improve on my stuff. So some help would be great. Good or bad. I'm open for constructive criticism.

P.S. I'm kinda happy how this turned out. I was always proud of making the last 2 bars on the 2nd verse rhyme completely lol

[Evil Twin]

I thought this was ok... Nothing really stood out to me or wowed me. Ur rhymes were nice but a little basic imo flow was easy for me.

Good piece overall.

I accept your opinions. Thanks for your feedback

[Evil Twin]

What happened? All your end rhymes were perfect except this,

I got a cold heart, so dark, no spark
You spit flow at shit shows and this goes,

It seemed good at the time I was writing it lol

But thanks for pointing that out haha. I'm still working on my stuff

[Just Silver]

i thought this was really good especially for a first piece flowed perfect and nice vocabulary and chorus was ok which is hardest imo

overall very nice piece

[Evil Twin]

i thought this was really good especially for a first piece flowed perfect and nice vocabulary and chorus was ok which is hardest imo

overall very nice piece

Thanks. I appreciate your words

[Evil Twin]

Oh is this his first piece?

My first full piece yeah

[Evil Twin]

Ok, that is excellent for a first piece than, I thought you write but have not wrote in a while..

Thanks I appreciate it that. And no, I haven't been writing that long. I jot rhymes down whenever something comes to mind but this was the first time I attempted going full on with it

[Evil Twin]

Do any of you guys think any of the rhymes sound forced?

[Evil Twin]

Fair enough. Good to know

[CanadaPure]

None of your rhyming felt forced to me, the whole thing was decently written. The only think I'd liked to have seen was a beat posted with it, it just makes it easy to feel how you were flowing on it. Really good for your first time trying to go all out on it though, quality stuff.

[Evil Twin]

None of your rhyming felt forced to me, the whole thing was decently written. The only think I'd liked to have seen was a beat posted with it, it just makes it easy to feel how you were flowing on it. Really good for your first time trying to go all out on it though, quality stuff.

Thanks. I appreciate your words

Any tips on anything you guys think I need to work on?