ROM - Wait For It

[yung rom]

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so here's a new song, i posted a snippet a while back on my youtube channel. Made a second verse and then for the third I tried to make it sound a little different so the song wouldn't get too boring. I made the beat for this one too. idk, what do you guys think?

http://youtu.be/AQFmDzpv8Uw

Lyrics:

If I stop now then what am I living for?
If minorities grow then I’ll be accepted more
So I’ll hold on till I got no lung support
My time will come, just gotta wait for it (then I’ll go!)

If you only you knew what I’m going through
But knowing you
You don’t need truth
You’re laughing now thinking I’m joking too
Hold the brew, I’m gonna need some smoke to spew
Exhausted, I’m smoking through
A broken old computer, thrown in hot gun glue
My eyes they squint at the snow
Wishing it’d go
Wishing I’d heat up from this cold
I’m bristling infuriated
I’m purely hated by every single adult (kid)
But riddle me this? If I’m gonna be hated why can’t I show off?
If everyone hates me that what do I got to lose?
Bloodied eyeballs and bruises and small claw marks on my shoes
Grew up in a state of anger, sided in conflicts I knew
That life is hard when your buck teeth are huge, you got some attitude too!
And look as your life flies by
Wiping a dried eye
Crying, desperate to find some kind of delight
You’d probably be right if you said life’s a big do about nothing
So nothing big will be doing over my coffin (alright)

(Hook) If I stop now then what am I living for?
If minorities grow then I’ll be accepted more
So I’ll hold on till I got no lung support
My time will come, just gotta wait for it (then I’ll go!) (2x)

I rap to maintain my focal force
I wrote this poem to show my notions ignored
Feeling pain in my vocal chords
I'm bolting towards a light, shining over forests
If I reach 'fore it's destroyed I can get past unimportant thorns
Emotion pours to the page like hurricane Sandy like ocean floors
I chose to endure, these forced on chores, I was chosen for
Hid my feelings, tied up behind a bolted pulled shut door
With a frozen guard posed at the front with a gun on his shoulder
I'm done with these boulders I bear
Colder than polar
Fur coats for snowstorms get soaked to their cores are
Frozen up once hot lava
Stop it, keep talking
My mouths bigger than a drunks at a bar pub
Think he can fly, crawls on the roof, charges
Falls down like when rap died in the garbage
I scream loud more than a loon
Tone down the mood
My own attitude is poorer than my fortune I'm gonna have soon
Blow up like a blown in balloon
Exploding unloose poisonous fumes
This song’s for the fuming boys in their rooms
Who hate dealing with their situations, a bit impatient
They sit and pray some. Wishing that god will pay attention
Can't think straight their brains numb
Dangerous thoughts go fill em turned lightbulbs over their faces call it a filament
Illuminated up

Hook

I never asked anyone to criticize
But for a little price of joy they did it anyway didn't think it twice
Can't swallow your hate its heavyweight or maybe like drinking ice
Or some random guy, winking his eyes at an intersection light
I never expected how cold I could get
Broken a record, how much cold you could sweat below in the negatives
Everyone insulted me think I don't even give
Now I don't want to live
Wake up daily knowing I'll only get dissed
Only got couple of friends
Homies slowly decrease
Get popular while all I get bullied and frisked
I will lead the risk of my whole life to get where I want
And do in everyone who wasn't there from the start
I’d do anything to get back all the glee that I lost
But I don't need it, angers fuels me freely I don't need my own heart
I'm feeling a lot or rage, reel it in? Nah
I hope you all pay for the tears that you've caused, if I go your going with me so jump

Hook


I'm doing this until the day that I die
If anyone says I won't, then they'll be labeled a lie
I'm able to bribe, other rappers to taking my side
Not being modest? Well someone's gotta take all the pride (2x)

[Solace]

I'm pretty fucking annoyed 'cause I just wrote an in-depth review and when I submitted TRShady did that Too Many Connections/Bad Gateway bullshit and lost it all. So I'll rewrite it but it'll be shorter.

Delivery
To be honest, and I don't want to sound rude but, you sound retarded at times. You sound like you aren't using your own voice, and you're trying extremely hard to sound like Eminem. Everything about this song says "Hey look at me! I love Eminem! I'm just like him!". Seriously, cut the Slim Shady accent and use your own voice and stop stressing it. Like, I KNOW your voice when you speak naturally from your Slicked Up teaser, and you sound nothing like it here. After that, your other problem is emotion. I like your emotion in the 3rd verse, and I think that should be the standard at which you rap. Your first two verses made you sound boring, uninteresting, and so forth. Putting a little edge on your emotion will make everything sound so much better.

Mixing
As far as I can tell there was little to no mixing throughout the entire song. Your vocals clearly aren't compressed as they jump in amplitude. They also have little to no reverb and that makes it sound really flat. Fix those, and you will sound 10x better. Panning your layers on the chorus would also sound good. I mean, what's the use of being capable of recording in stereo when you don't use it? I also think some overlays on your rhymes would help you sound "stronger".

Overall Thoughts
You have a lot of potential to be great. You clearly have little trouble flowing and your lyrics are well written for what they are. Your flaws are within the mixing and your delivery. Let Eminem be Eminem. You try to find who ROM sounds like.

[yung rom]

I'm pretty fucking annoyed 'cause I just wrote an in-depth review and when I submitted TRShady did that Too Many Connections/Bad Gateway bullshit and lost it all. So I'll rewrite it but it'll be shorter.

Delivery
To be honest, and I don't want to sound rude but, you sound retarded at times. You sound like you aren't using your own voice, and you're trying extremely hard to sound like Eminem. Everything about this song says "Hey look at me! I love Eminem! I'm just like him!". Seriously, cut the Slim Shady accent and use your own voice and stop stressing it. Like, I KNOW your voice when you speak naturally from your Slicked Up teaser, and you sound nothing like it here. After that, your other problem is emotion. I like your emotion in the 3rd verse, and I think that should be the standard at which you rap. Your first two verses made you sound boring, uninteresting, and so forth. Putting a little edge on your emotion will make everything sound so much better.

Mixing
As far as I can tell there was little to no mixing throughout the entire song. Your vocals clearly aren't compressed as they jump in amplitude. They also have little to no reverb and that makes it sound really flat. Fix those, and you will sound 10x better. Panning your layers on the chorus would also sound good. I mean, what's the use of being capable of recording in stereo when you don't use it? I also think some overlays on your rhymes would help you sound "stronger".

Overall Thoughts
You have a lot of potential to be great. You clearly have little trouble flowing and your lyrics are well written for what they are. Your flaws are within the mixing and your delivery. Let Eminem be Eminem. You try to find who ROM sounds like.

Alright. First off, thanks for all the advice, and typing another response even after ur first got deleted (that's what happened from what I can tell). I actually made this song about a month ago or so, and since then I've gotten better at mixing (for vocals at least). I'm getting a new program soon (thank god) so anything I put up in the future will probably be a lot better than this.

I totally see what you mean about "sounding like Eminem", but I think that's mostly because of his influence (vocally) on me. I've done it so long (rapped kinda like him) that whenever I start rhyming my voice kinda just goes into that zone. Even in my teaser thingy, that was farther away from him, but not rly my real voice either. I find it's harder to flow using my natural voice (which is a deal higher than the voice in this song), but when I go deeper, it's much easier, but I sound a lot more like Em. I think it's just something I have to work on balancing out.

Because I use Garageband, it's rly hard to balance the vocals, but I have started using more reverb and trying to compress stuff. But, like I said, I think I'm getting a new program soon, so my stuff (both vocals and instrumentals) should sound a lot better.

Finally, thanks for all ur advice, both on the teaser thingy and this. I hope my stuff will improve, and if you ever want to see other stuff (not posted on this), just check out the youtube channel I posted this on. Thanks!

[yung rom]

I listened with the lyrics, and then without... It's really hard to understand what you're saying without them. Like Solace said, you have the potential to be great some day, but right now it feels like a mess to me. The intro, with the talking over the hook was just... a headache for me. It sounded like noise.

You need to practice your enunciation. It sounds like you're slurring a LOT, and a lot of your words kinda just mesh together. This can be good, seeing as your flow benefits from it, but you don't wanna overdo it to the point where you sound stupid and inaudible.

Your voice also sounds unnaturally deep... like you're forcing it to sound that way, or editing it. I don't like it. Just rap with your real voice, 'cause this isn't you imo. If you can make these songs a little more crisp and clean, they'd be way better.

Try to slow down your flow next time to really perfect your voice. Flowing faster while rhyming is great, but if it's hard to understand it's doing more harm than good.

Yeah, I can see what you mean about the flowing/slurring. I tend to try to fit wayyy to many words in a line and that happens as a result. As for the voice, there aren't any pitch changers, and while it was a little lower than my speaking voice, I figured it was ok because I wasn't necessarily "forcing" anything, just speaking lower. But yeah, I think instead of doing that, I'll just use my normal voice and it'll naturally get lower as I get older. Thanks for the advice!

[Trimss]

To add to what Solace and Geno are saying, I noticed your enunciation was wrong when you were saying words with the "SH" sound.

It seems like you say "soose" instead of shoes.. But yeah, you definitely have some potential. Good job on the beat too. Enunciation is a bitch (I know that... lol.) but you have to go through it.

[Ticalrecords]

loll you can flow i'll give ya that, but alot of times its a strain to hear what your actually saying. and your delivery is kinda lacking emotion - i mean i can tell that your trying to bring the right emotion to the rap, but it doesn't really sound like your spitting it with conviction yk? idk. everyone else has said everything else - on a side note the beat was nice, its cool that you made that yourself.

mind giving mine a listen? its called Disco Inferno Remix

[Him Shadow]

I like your flow, but your voice is too childish, you sound weird on the hook, but like I said flow is good and I like the lyrics