3 jokes, tell them to your friends or on dates, they work

by **James R.** » May 5th, '07, 17:44

Joke 1:

Aight so this lady and her daughter walk into a pet store and their looking around for a little animal companion to make their family feel a little more complete. So as the woman is walking she sees a beautiful parrot and immediately she's in love with it and wants it. So she shows her daughter and she likes it, so it's decided. As they go to buy it the store owner says "Ma'am I don't know if you want this bird. It was given to us by animal control because of mistreatment in a whore house and he says some pretty vulgar things." But the lady has her heart set on the bird so they buy it anyways.
They get home and the woman hangs the parrot up in the living room and as she walks away it says "New mistress." Slightly disturbed by the comment she stops, but thinks nothing of it walks away. The daughter then comes upstairs with the rest of the bags from the car and the parrot says "New recruit." So the mother is furious and calls her husband complaining about it, so to shut her up he says he'll come home early and take care of it. The parrot spews off a few other labels for the mother's and daughter's friends, then after about an hour the husband comes home. As he walks into the living room where his wife and daughter are sitting and the parrot happily proclaims "HI DAVE!"

^that's a good one to test how smart your date is, cuz I'm pretty sure no one wants to deal with a dumb girl.

Joke 2:

So this guy and his wife are in a car accident. The wife dies immediately and the man dies about 5 hours later. When he's dead he finds himself at the gates of Heaven in a line for judgment. As he gets closer he hears the question the angel is asking everyone. The 1st conversation went as follows:
The angel says "how many times have you cheated on your wife?"
The man responds "only twice"
The angel then says "ok you can ride to heaven in this car"
Shocked by the question the man then listens closer to the following conversations. One man cheated 5 times and went in on a bike. A woman never cheated and was flown in on a private jet. When he got the angel he told him that he only cheated once and drove in a luxury car. On his way there he saw his wife walking barefoot up a dirt bath to hell.

^That one usually makes a girl laugh^

Joke 3:

Knock knock
Who's there?
Wanna fuck?
What?
That sounds enough like yes

Then fuck her