* Official Blonde Jokes Thread *

[sinemm]

says at the beginning i dont want any blondes we got here to get me wrong and take it serious thats just for fun

i was looking at some jokes posted some but then decided to make just one thread..in order not to make too much new threads for each joke

so thats our 'official blonde jokes thread' im posting you others can add some more too




Don't Shoot!

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.

The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.

The husband Shoots out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, 'shut up ... you're next!!



Bet

A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.

The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, 'I'll take that bet!'

Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed.

The redhead said 'I can't take this, you're my friend.'

The blonde said 'No. A bet's a bet'.

So the redhead said 'Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money'.

The blonde replied, 'Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!!'





Stolen Mercedes

Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes car to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman.

Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing.

Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, "Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!"

"Dear God! Did you try to stop him?"

"No," she said, "I did better than that! I got the license plate number!!"

[°[~CHR!$~]°]

hahaha cant wait fo more...hmmi cant really remember any blonde jokes...
sry but these crackin me up...good thread hum

[scofield1990]

hahahaha!!!!!! what
nice jokes

[sinemm]

^

-More-

Intelligence Game

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.





You've Got Blonde
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”

To which she replied, “There certainly is!”

My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”




Joke

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender IS blonde and the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall blonde, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is a blonde, 6' 2, weighs 225 and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6' 5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."




Circle

A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it.

Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car.

He looks back to see that she's laughing. He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down.

He demands, "What's so funny?" She says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!"




Pizza

A blonde went to buy a Pizza and after ordering, the assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!!"



Diet

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nodded, "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."

"From hunger, you mean?", asked the doctor."

"No, from all that skipping."

[,-,'-{Bar}-',-,]

LMAo awesome

[pawel]

hehe, gotta love it good ones sinemm

edit: I don't know any good blonde jokes myself either

[Requiem]

Here's one:




A blonde is in desperate need of money, so she goes around looking for jobs to do. She walks up to a house, and a man answers the door, and she asks if there is anything she can do.
He replies, "Yeah, the porch needs to be painted. I'll pay you $50 dollars, and supply the paint if you do it."
The blonde accepts, and an hour later, she knocks on the door to recieve her payment. The man looks astounded, and says, "How'd you do it that fast?"
As he hands her the money, she answers, "By the way, that's not a porch, it's a mercedes,"

[sinemm]

^ that was a good one!!! good post thanks



@ pawel ; well i didnt know any of those jokes i put there just found and put the ones i liked
even tho i know jokes i can never remember them

and more \/


Dead Bird

One day a blonde and a brunette were walking down to the grocery store when the brunette pointed out to the blonde "oh, hey look at that dead bird.."

The blonde looks around around up in the sky for a few minutes and says "hmm, I don't see any dead ones."





Book

A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!"

"Yes, Ma'am?" said the librarian looking up at her.

"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"

Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked "What was wrong with it?"

"It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!" said the blonde.

The librarian nodded and said, "Ahhh. So you must be the person who took our phone book."





Blonde Test Taking

The blonde reported for her University final examination which consists of "yes/no" type questions.

She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails.

Within a half an hour, she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out.

During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.

The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.

"I finished the exam in half an hour. But, " she says, "I am rechecking my answers."





Ransom
A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
So she went to a playground, grabbed a kid, and took him behind a tree. "I've kidnapped you!", said the blonde and then proceeded to write a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and place it under the pecan tree next to the playground. Signed, A Blonde."

The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked under the tree and surely enough, a paper bad was sitting there.
The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"





Real Blonde

A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.

The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"

She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."

"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."

[ctodap]

man i love all these


Question: If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first?
Answer: The brunette - the blonde would have to stop for directions!


A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.

Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.

She showed him the instructions on the tin,

"For best results, put on two coats".



A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,

"You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

[Requiem]

here's another

NASA

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets. First, they called the brunette in and asked her a question.
"If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and why?"
After pondering the question she answered, "I would like to go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet."
They said "well okay, thank you." And told her that they would get back to her.
Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her the same question. In reply, "I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings." Again, "thank you" and they would get back to her.
Finally, the blond entered the room and they asked her the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead. She thought for a while and replied, "I would like to go to the sun."
The people from NASA replied, "why, don't you know that if you went to the sun you would burn to death?"
The blond smirked and put her hands on her hips. "Are you guys dumb? I'd go at night!"

[sinemm]

woot woot DD there some nice ones out there
keep them coming guyz

[DrRapid]

I'm offended!

[sinemm]

are you blonde?

aww consoles drrapid

[Flamez]

dont hate cuz i'm posting here i just wanted to laugh thats all

lol some nice jokes here

[Tash8]

dont hate cuz i'm posting here i just wanted to laugh thats all

lol some nice jokes here

seirously calm down, no one gives a fuck about what people think of them on the internet and netiher should u.