Just a everday spit

by **Trigger** » Nov 25th, '05, 03:44

now this shit im about to spit aint to anyone inperticuler,
all i can say right now iz my mind is racing radom things become a blur,
if u just happen to get in my way i will comint murder,
rip ur skin to shit wear it around my body like it was fur,
shit u son of a bitch mind as well call me Hannibel lectur,
u'll be in surgery in a coma while the doc's tryin to find a cure.

wat truly pissis me off tho is ppl claimin that they r u friend,
gradurating with honours from a school that teaches how to pretend,
mutha fuka's thought they could fool me man this fukin joke is about to end

put the barrel to ur fukin temple,
just to show im not joking (cocks gun) just 4 example,

another thing that makes my eye twich,
this money speding, everything is "depeding"two timer son of a bitch,
every time i hear or see u, u make my anger ich,
fuk wat gave me away that i was rich,
knock on my door, bother me, your attitude better switch.

Cause no word of a lie,
if one thing bothers me even if its the way u say bye,
it will determine if u live or die,
dont cry.

now now now just give me awhile,
i'll make ur life miserable i can have u raped by a pedofile,
i'll lie right to who ever's face when im on trial,
BITCH i honestly i dont give a fuk, there isnt one hint of denial.

Besides all that im just trying to get through life as best i can,
im puttin my body thro as much as it can witstand,
seein if my knowlede of new shit can expand,
seein if the shit i did learn i acurally understand.

now for a lil fun,
its to late its already begun,
pop one,
sound of a silecned gun,
shit its the 4 0 everyone run,
got shot went thro my vest shit im done.

now im on the floor,
seein wat this cop has in store,
(laughter) its a girl "fuk u hoe"

pop two,
fuk it im thro,
where in the fuk is my crew,
main the slut jaked my shoe,
bitch atleast take the other one too

pop three,
felt like i just lost my virginity,
ur just gonna let me sit here and bleed,
srry for all of my evil deeds.

pop four,
im dead lying on the wooden floor,
as she's walking thro the door.
i just realized my greatest fear,
she did it again like britany spears,
left me there feelin like i got stabbed with a million spears,
fukin bitch came back!!!!

pop five,
no longer alive,
heyy i tried to survive.
i cant beleave i letta,
use my own bertetta,
i guess its acurally betta,
she aint gettin half of my chedda.

by **xariuss** » Nov 25th, '05, 06:42

it was hot man, good story line ^^

by **Trigger** » Nov 25th, '05, 22:58

Heyy thx, that was ver much appreciated xariuss, ur kool shit

by **Coccoa** » Nov 25th, '05, 23:02

Didnt like it.

by **ThomasAguanis** » Nov 26th, '05, 01:32

to be honest i only read the first verse. it was better than your other stuff sort of but i didnt really like it.

by **Trigger** » Nov 26th, '05, 01:45

yo thx 4 ur opinoin, i'll keep tryin ight, oh and thx 4 the lil comment there to

by 4D » Nov 26th, '05, 02:24

You`re still at that early stage of having 5 words that rhyme for every 5 lines.
Like :
inperticuler
blur
murder,
fur,
lectur
cure. (If pronounced like a hillbilly

)

There`s no flow. What you should do if ya wanna use all those words is cram them into 2 or 3 lines in some way, then when you start a new line have it startin off rhymin with the last word of the previous line.

Example (You`re fist two lines & how the third one could start, the Bold writing makes it flow a little better)
now this shit im about to spit aint to anyone inperticuler,
all i can say right now iz my mind is racing radom things become a blur
Come n stir, get in my way and i`ll commit murder

Just some constructive criticism, if ya don`t wanna take it that`s o.k too!

by **Trigger** » Nov 26th, '05, 02:35

heyyy!! thx 4 the tips

by 4D » Nov 26th, '05, 06:12

No problem, ya got a good attitude! :8)

by **shadys_lady28** » Nov 26th, '05, 17:10

i liked it!

by **Vettori** » Nov 27th, '05, 03:19

It was alright in the beggining, I agree with what forty said...The end really got to me, cause it wasnt making sense, Britany spears and stuff..I dunno how she got involved, But you didnt describe what she did lol, But credit for the Try...I didnt really like it sorry, Put some more meaning and truth behind it, and structurize it to sound better, You can have it all flip around

EZ

"Faith"

by **SoniK** » Nov 27th, '05, 11:56

eh yo that shit was tight, but u got sum improving
what i like is the fact is u listenin to what we moving
and so the knowledge we kick, u accept and take it
and i hope in the future better rhymes u makin
cuz u deserve it, ur attitude is wealthy
u gna be here for long, cuz ur attitude is healthy
and if u eva need help wit yo rhymes
when times is hard and u thinkin of next lines
then don't hesitate for sum tips from the main battlers ONLine

pe@ce i realli respect u as u take constructive criticisim, this will make you 10 times bigger than neone els....even i find it soo difficult to tke criticism, but u tuk it lyk a man....

Raaahsspect

EZ 'n' OUT

by **Trigger** » Nov 28th, '05, 04:58

yo thx sonic, i know taken the criticism is like taken a bullet, but thz 4 the complaments.....same wit u faith that was some kool shit u said, i'll hope to improve 4 ya'll
pce!!

by **Trigger** » Nov 28th, '05, 04:59

oh and u too shady's lady thx much!!

pce!

Just a everday spit

do u like it, be eazy wit me

Just a everday spit

Hmmm...

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