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'I had no idea I was going to be so famous,' he says in new book
Hip-hop has been a lot of things to Eminem: a diversion, an obsession, a ticket to vast success.
But more than anything, he writes in a much-awaited new memoir, it has provided a voice -- a chance for an overlooked Detroit kid to feel like he belonged.
"Rap forced me to deal with people socially," he writes in "The Way I Am," which hits shelves Tuesday. He adds:
"The reason I put so much of myself out there in the first place is because I had no idea I was going to be so famous. ... If I had to do it again, I don't know if I would. I'm glad, though, that my music has brought people together."
Opening the most revealing window yet into life behind the fame, the Detroit-bred star traces life from a rocky childhood to the high-flying celebrity world he has, at times reluctantly, embraced.
Generously illustrated with candid photos and reproductions of original lyric sheets, "The Way I Am" marks the high-profile public return of Eminem after several years off the scene.
With a new album, "Relapse," on the way, we're definitely hitting Eminem season: The rapper's 208-page book will be followed in two weeks by the U.S. release of "My Son Marshall, My Son Eminem" by his estranged mother, Debbie Nelson.
'A lot of raw stuff'
Eminem's book was two years in the making, says Brian Tart, president of Dutton Books. Tart was surprised by the depth of candor from Eminem, a private figure whose personal revelations typically have been limited to his songs.
"He put a lot of time into it, and his team put a lot of time into it," says Tart. "I was very impressed with the level of insight he has into fame and what it means, and trying to be a father, and trying to stay successful without selling out or losing focus on what's important to him. There's a lot of raw stuff in here."
The book, penned with writer Sacha Jenkins, opens with a moving account of Eminem's emotional journey after the fatal 2006 shooting of his best friend, Detroit rapper Proof. The anguish remains, he writes:
"I can't even bring myself back to the place I was when I heard what happened to Proof. I have never felt so much pain in my life. ... It's a pain that has become a part of who I am."
In a tone that's often breezy, occasionally deep and heartfelt, the rapper looks back on his 36 years, including his infatuation with rap music as a teen. Frequently stuck at home alone, he watched as "hip-hop became my girl, my confidant, my best homie."
Still, a career seemed like a pipe dream. Even at 18, a high school dropout, he believed he had a better shot in pro basketball than in rap.
The full-color lyric sheets reveal a busy creative brain (and good speller!), with rhymes, quips and mental prompts scrawled piecemeal in crumpled notebooks and hotel pads. In the accompanying annotation, he clears up misconceptions and confirms rumors. (Did Mariah Carey really inspire the song "Superman"? "Yes, she kind of did.")
Eminem later digs deep into his writing process:
"Sometimes I can slip into that kind of zone where I can write really fast. I've recorded a lot of songs lately where I get a couple of lines in my head and then start freestyling. But my best stuff is when I actually sit down and take the time to write it out. I don't ask myself any questions. Most of my songs start from random thoughts. I get a line in my head and then BOOM."
Pushing education
Age has brought some inner peace. The book reveals a more serious, thoughtful figure than many detractors might have granted.
He seems vaguely uncomfortable with the raw anger that dominated his early public persona, for instance, now calling his notorious blowup at an MTV awards show "the most ridiculous thing."
Of the three girls he is raising at home in Oakland Township (all of who call him "Daddy"), he writes:
"I want them to go to college. I try to instill educational values in them. But it can be tough when you didn't graduate high school and your education level is 8th grade. I failed 9th grade three times, and I'm trying to argue with them about going to college?! I try to explain that Dad made a bad decision to quit school. I just got lucky. I really did hit the lottery. ... If it weren't for Dre giving me that chance and if I hadn't had people like Proof in my life who pushed me, we'd be in a trailer somewhere."
A mom's melancholy tale
His mother's book, published last year in Europe, is a less placid affair. Now estranged from the son she calls Marshall, Debbie Nelson remembers her growing horror as she became a "vilified" character in his platinum-selling songs.
There's a relentless melancholy to Nelson's tale, as she recalls her own troubled upbringing and life as a single mom flitting from house to house in Missouri and Michigan.
She wistfully recounts her early years with her son -- a boy who loved Wild West tales and his Batman cape -- but the tone darkens upon his public success, which "came at an unimaginable price, not only to him but also to all of us who loved him."
She writes: "After his first album, 'Infinite,' flopped, he reinvented himself as white trailer trash with a crazy welfare mom. I was shocked when I first heard his lyrics -- Marshall rarely swore much in front of me. But he constantly reassured me it was all a big joke. 'The more foul I am, the more they love me,' he said."
Nelson is no fan of Eminem's ex-wife, recalling of the couple's brief second marriage in 2006: "So what went wrong? The things that always went wrong with Marshall and Kim: they can't live with each other, they can't live without each other; she thrives on drama, he likes peace and quiet; she claimed he was still taking drugs, he denied it."
Nelson continues to seek serenity.
"The house used to be filled with the sounds of children's voices," she writes. "And even though I'm alone now, the phone still rings. I have some wonderful friends who have helped me through so much. It still doesn't fill the empty gaps in my heart, but it helps."
Source: http://www.freep.com/article/20081019/E ... 9/1035/ENT
