proving words

[Nizar]

hey guys, i've got a message from my girlfriend n i wanted the reply to be special so i wrote this, what do u think...

these words are pieces of my heart
but when I try to spit some art
I notice that my heart is missing
he's looking for survival
in this world full of rivals
I'm really proud that I did it
cuz finally I can say it
I'm not messing around, I can feel it
It's coming to me day and night, I can breathe it
I always wanted to be free
just to bring up the heal, and express how I really feel
Now I'm free, I'm wondering who really cares
but I know when someone cares
I'm gonna reach up the stairs
and scream in the air
I Love You

[Rain Matrix]

I hope this wasn't supposed to rhyme
nah but this was good as a creative writing piece seriously

[Arabian Shady]

a good POEM basically, well written
question tho: are you actually gonna say "spit some art .." to your girlfriend,lmao cause girls rarely understand stuff like that,lol
Peace

[Nizar]

well, she asked me later on about cuz she really didn't get it

[Slim Zaddy]

i like the concept though as you trying to expose your emotions ,, but the way you wrote it .. indicate to us as a poem .. so if your purpose to write a poem it's good .. but if it supposed to rhyme ,, then i dont think so .. anyway nice piece from ya .. gd luck and keep droping ..

[neversnooze]

sorry to say but it wasnt that good. When I read the first two lines, I thought you were going somewhere with it, but then it just dragged during the rest

[Solace]

sorry to say but it wasnt that good. When I read the first two lines, I thought you were going somewhere with it, but then it just dragged during the rest

what he said ^

[Nizar]

thank you guys 4 support but as i said before, I'm just a beginner n there ain't no one around me doin' the same thing I'm doin'.
people here don't believe in rap music niether hip hop culture, so i'm tryna create somin' out of nothin', ya feel me. I need some help to do that but it may took some time to affect the people around me.
As for the poem i wrote, it's just represntin' my emotions to my girl friend n the first opinion i needed was my girlfriend's. she said it was good n that gave the motivation to continue what i'm doin'.

Peace.....4 all Gz

[Slim Zaddy]

thank you guys 4 support but as i said before, I'm just a beginner n there ain't no one around me doin' the same thing I'm doin'.
people here don't believe in rap music niether hip hop culture, so i'm tryna create somin' out of nothin', ya feel me. I need some help to do that but it may took some time to affect the people around me.
As for the poem i wrote, it's just represntin' my emotions to my girl friend n the first opinion i needed was my girlfriend's. she said it was good n that gave the motivation to continue what i'm doin'.

Peace.....4 all Gz

so i'm right though .. i think it's cool as a poem. but in my opinion dont consider your girlfirend opinions , cuz it's based on sentimentality .. dude i dont think that she's just going to say to u ohhn no i hate this i dont like it it' ugly ,, it's ur girl it's not possible though ,, u got my point now as i guess.. nd u hve to give urself the motivation not ur girl . talking about haveing no one on your side that would make u excitied or somethin it's the same feeling here dude ..i'm alone not a single on my side but i'm trying to build my own ..anyway so gd luck bro .. and if anything that i could help .. i'm here .. hope other would help u 2 .. but u have to start a verse on your own .. then we will see,.. so