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NEW - Problems (Revising)

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NEW - Problems (Revising)

Postby Solace » Nov 10th, '08, 03:21

Something about teens with problems in general.

[Verse 1]
Meet. John, a 17 year old problem,
Rearranging his sick thoughts, no one could stop them,
Thinking about suicide, just hanging himself,
Fuck the world, he thought, never gunna get fortune or wealth,
Being picked on, he was jumped every single day,
Blood on the face, his life wasn't friendly play,
When he got out of college, he knew what to do,
Got a registered gun, then got his CCW,
He found that kids house, Anthony Greeter,
Saw Anthony with his girl, then he got ready to beat her,
Pistol whipped her, made that girl scream and bleed,
Cocked the pistol, pointed right at Anthony,
The gun was shot, life passed Greeters eyes,
But he never got a chance to wave his own life bye-bye,
He didnt take any shit, now hes taking a full clip,
And if you got something to say to him, well he aint taking bullshit.

[Chorus x2]
It's amazing, teens getting caught up with their life,
End up self-destructing, not blowing up, but getting slit by a knife,
They aint taking it no more, they ain't playing with no whore,
Theyll be using a gun, metal, or a piece of glass they found on the floor,
As long as they do it, they couldn't give a fuck less,
As long as they get through their life, which they call a fucked mess.

[Verse 2]
Remember those days, Nathan, playing in the sun,
Now you at the back of alleys playing with them guns,
You ain't having fun, getting crushed by peer pressure,
Being told to go spit on those old, queer professors,
Now the days getting wetter, and his hearts getting colder,
And all the beliefs and pressures are laying on his shoulders,
Dropped out of school, he thought: fuck an education,
As long as he gets his weed and he starts blazing,
Father beating him when he was only five,
Its kind of ironic now, look whos got the knife,
Stabbed him in the stomache and ended his life,
Now his last wonder is how hes going to survive, yo...

[Chorus x2]


Typed this up, 15 minutes. Feedback appreciated. Thanks in advance :y:
Last edited by Solace on Nov 11th, '08, 23:08, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: NEW - Problems (UNDONE)

Postby Requiem » Nov 10th, '08, 03:30

You gettin better and better with every creative writing peace. i thought scattered thoughts was good, this surpasses that on ALL levels. has a unscattered thought/idea, and continues it throughout song.
lmao, john, 17 year old problem. i know it's not about me[i][/i]but i think it's funny for namesake purposes. great job tho, man.
i might pull u out of high school now, cuz ur too dope. :o
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Re: NEW - Problems (UNDONE)

Postby Solace » Nov 10th, '08, 03:42

IceKilla wrote:You gettin better and better with every creative writing peace. i thought scattered thoughts was good, this surpasses that on ALL levels. has a unscattered thought/idea, and continues it throughout song.
lmao, john, 17 year old problem. i know it's not about me[i][/i]but i think it's funny for namesake purposes. great job tho, man.
i might pull u out of high school now, cuz ur too dope. :o

:worship: Thanks a lot. Great feed, :)

Yeah, i just was thinking of someone to say and i just thought, heck of course! John, 17 years old. Thanks, glad you see improvement. I just wanna write pieces more meaningful than saying "im the greatest", you know? Hopefully the finished version of this will be amazing. Thanks for checking, appreciated it :y:
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Re: NEW - Problems (UNDONE)

Postby Steve Spag » Nov 10th, '08, 23:02

Not bad, deffinetly seen better from you though. Wasn't really feelin' the hook, but the verse had some pretty sick lines here and there. Hit me up when the final version is out and I'll give it a read.

:y:
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Re: NEW - Problems (UNDONE)

Postby Solace » Nov 10th, '08, 23:10

Steve Spag wrote:Not bad, deffinetly seen better from you though. Wasn't really feelin' the hook, but the verse had some pretty sick lines here and there. Hit me up when the final version is out and I'll give it a read.

:y:

You seen better from me, really? lol thanks man. i really appreciate you checking it out. definately will pm you when its done. Thanks :y:
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Re: NEW - Problems (UNDONE)

Postby MC Anonymous » Nov 10th, '08, 23:11

The emotion that was put to this is apparent! I like this very much!
Excellent write! :y: :y: :8)
LMFAO@ Brittney, bitch looking worse than a chupacabra mixed with a broken down coyote. You're disgusting ugly, so ugly in fact, my brain simultaneously exploded while processing how bitterly grotesque you look. I would much rather stick ice picks into the walls of my cranium, then stick my dick into your quagmire of a clitoris. You're what would happen if a sperm whale mated with a Godzilla fish..


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Re: NEW - Problems (UNDONE)

Postby Solace » Nov 10th, '08, 23:21

MC Anonymous wrote:The emotion that was put to this is apparent! I like this very much!
Excellent write! :y: :y: :8)

:worship: Thanks man

I just finished it, so if you wanna read it again and comment on second verse, then sure :whistle:
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Re: NEW - Problems (Revising)

Postby MC Anonymous » Nov 10th, '08, 23:24

The act of a fury filled homicide is portrayed so vividly in this piece.... Kinda' makes me wonder :tounge2:

Excellent second verse! :smoking:
LMFAO@ Brittney, bitch looking worse than a chupacabra mixed with a broken down coyote. You're disgusting ugly, so ugly in fact, my brain simultaneously exploded while processing how bitterly grotesque you look. I would much rather stick ice picks into the walls of my cranium, then stick my dick into your quagmire of a clitoris. You're what would happen if a sperm whale mated with a Godzilla fish..


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Re: NEW - Problems (Revising)

Postby Solace » Nov 10th, '08, 23:25

MC Anonymous wrote:The act of a fury filled homicide is portrayed so vividly in this piece.... Kinda' makes me wonder :tounge2:

Excellent second verse! :smoking:

lmao, thanks man! Your a good writer too ;) Im not sure if ive actually reviewed one of them but ive looked over them and i liked them
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Re: NEW - Problems (Revising)

Postby Requiem » Nov 11th, '08, 00:41

Sick verse 2 :o that description was incredible, really felt like an ill, lost hope sort of thing. good gravy, i'm going to have to post up something, cuz ur king right now. my reign's over, but i'll be back. :shifty: enjoy it while u can. kid kanniff will have his say... :confusion:

i'm lonely on msn right now :'(
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Re: NEW - Problems (Revising)

Postby Xray » Nov 11th, '08, 01:21

Pretty good, specially cause your 13. Which makes that "good" into an excellent written song.
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Re: NEW - Problems (Revising)

Postby Solace » Nov 11th, '08, 01:42

IceKilla wrote:Sick verse 2 :o that description was incredible, really felt like an ill, lost hope sort of thing. good gravy, i'm going to have to post up something, cuz ur king right now. my reign's over, but i'll be back. :shifty: enjoy it while u can. kid kanniff will have his say... :confusion:

i'm lonely on msn right now :'(


Lmao, ill log on then ;) And if you havent noticed, the creative writing section is coming very active these days O_O Have you seen Sticcys thread? Damn...And Annonyms MC is freaking awesome :y: anyways, enough of bragging about other people, thanks :y: Thought i might add some more description on how he was feeling in verse 2. And have fun with that KK thing. POST THAT FUNNY PIECE YOU SENT ME AND CHET :o

@Xray, thanks man, appreciate you checked it out! :y: :y:
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Re: NEW - Problems (Revising)

Postby Emadyville » Nov 11th, '08, 05:04

Pretty good shit, I'm impressed, I like the seriousness of it, keep it up :y:
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Re: NEW - Problems (Revising)

Postby Slim Zaddy » Nov 11th, '08, 11:34

that's hot man ,, i do really enjoyed reading it .. rhymes arranged well , flow was okay , nd the most important thing to me is that you're clear to the point .. ... so keep it up bro .,,

p.s how about that u tell me ur opinion on my new vesre ,, offensive opinion
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Re: NEW - Problems (Revising)

Postby Solace » Nov 11th, '08, 14:22

z_em wrote:that's hot man ,, i do really enjoyed reading it .. rhymes arranged well , flow was okay , nd the most important thing to me is that you're clear to the point .. ... so keep it up bro .,,

p.s how about that u tell me ur opinion on my new vesre ,, offensive opinion

Thanks man! Glad you enjoyed it, really :) Ill definately check out Offensive Opinion today.

Emadyville wrote:Pretty good shit, I'm impressed, I like the seriousness of it, keep it up :y:


Thanks a lot, glad you can see improvement from me.
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