Closed Eyes

[Tash8]

They said I lived my life with no substance
no purpose, no meaning and plenty of what-ifs
but what if my desire, my ambition, my motive
my hope, my goals have just gone unnoticed? huh?
but ay, it ain't like I worked the best I could
I've been known to let myself down, my flesh and blood
I've sat down on websites, till my ass felt numb
like what the fuck am I doing with my life that's worth crumb?
and I realize the road that I'm heading
I ain't change my path, rather I kept the same direction
but I still dream big, bout the girls and the Lexus
and I wish, to just open my eyes for a second
to see the alternate view, and I reckon
it won't be as beautiful as expected
but I know I'll end up putting the white sheet over my head
and go back to being undetected.

---
I felt I started loosing it bad after that bold line, but oh well. I dropped multis this time around because I was watching Chuck and couldn't bother working on harder rhymes, just wrote what I felt.

[James R.]

I like it man. The rhyme scheme wasn't crazy complicated, but it was a piece based off emotions and I can definitely vibe with that. I'm feelin it. I don't think it fell off after the bold line. I think you could use some work, some inspiration, but it still fit the song. It went from the "what am I doing? where am I going?" to the "this is what I see me doing. this is where I wanna be." so it kinda went through the whole spectrum. Good shit.

[Tash8]

I like it man. The rhyme scheme wasn't crazy complicated, but it was a piece based off emotions and I can definitely vibe with that. I'm feelin it. I don't think it fell off after the bold line. I think you could use some work, some inspiration, but it still fit the song. It went from the "what am I doing? where am I going?" to the "this is what I see me doing. this is where I wanna be." so it kinda went through the whole spectrum. Good shit.

thanks man, i might post up some other shit have in my pad, randomly i come up with something and i put it my book but i never really sit down to write but this shit I wrote because If I Die Tomorrow by Joe Budden inspired me!

[Slim Zaddy]

i agree , this is hot in terms of feeling expression . i can feel it .. it's good though , gd luck

[Tash8]

thanks.

[Ka0t1c]

it's pretty good

[4D]

Good stuff Tash, Nice finishing line. It's not all about the multi's, but you could look for other way to say things that wold provide you with the same meaning but with better rhymes. But I know you know this, and weren't interested in the multi's so to speak, so nice job.