I Have A Story To Tell.

[MC Anonymous]

When...I woke up one day...
I heard a subtle tapping on my door,
but...the door was a pale white color
and the walls surrounding me were dark
I didn't know where I was,
or who I was hearing tap on my door
but I heard someone,
the tapping grew, it grew furiously
the taps turned to knocks,
which turned to slams, which turned to screams
I saw the door hinges, they were coming off
and as the hinges broke,
when I saw that figure....I died.

As the blinding light shined brightly, a slight pinch of night
intertwined within sight creating hostility and spite
grillin' me tight, shivering with might, I convulse and shake
the pulse to wake was overshadowed by the impulse to quake
I flatline, my life, is that mine? it's bending like a cat's spine
and at that time, my next rhyme didn't matter, my mind was spat shine
the rooms spins, life thin like broom pins,
my light was turned off as if the sun and the moon sinned
I'm married to my work, I guess only in fantasies the groom wins
this cartoon thins, animation turns to cyclones, only time when doom spins
salty tears infect my wounds as I inspect this womb
in this cold world I can only expect it's tomb
kneeling to the skies these feelings do arise
suicide beckons as I'm reeling from my mind
on the pathways of life the path stays in front of wrath's way
it's not ok to stay this way my day, is what the blood bath says.

[Xray]

Oh so the first paragraph is the story itself but not rhymed right? cause it doesn't rhyme.

Anyway the below piece is dope, I liked it, good shit.

[MC Anonymous]

Oh so the first paragraph is the story itself but not rhymed right? cause it doesn't rhyme.

Anyway the below piece is dope, I liked it, good shit.

It's not supposed to rhyme, it's supposed to set the reader up. Like an introduction.
Thank you for the feed! :]

[Ka0t1c]

nah, i didnt like it

[MC Anonymous]

nah, i didnt like it

Can you tell me why you didn't like it?

[Ka0t1c]

As the blinding light shined brightly, a slight pinch of night
intertwined within sight creating hostility and spite
grillin' me tight, shivering with might, I convulse and shake
the pulse to wake was overshadowed by the impulse to quake
I flatline, my life, is that mine? it's bending like a cat's spine
and at that time

i felt after this part it fell off imo and only got worse at the end like it was rushed

[Solace]

Nice intro, and i liked it. This was like 8/10 piece. I liked the flow to it, structure was good. Multies were good too man. Keep it up.

[Xray]

Oh so the first paragraph is the story itself but not rhymed right? cause it doesn't rhyme.

Anyway the below piece is dope, I liked it, good shit.

It's not supposed to rhyme, it's supposed to set the reader up. Like an introduction.
Thank you for the feed! :]

Cool thing, no problem.

[Emadyville]

Um shit, that was fucking amazing, the best you ever wrote hands down, and that says a lot.

[mcZu]

Nice use of words, multies were ill, liked the ''cat spine'' line
Keep dropping 'em

[SajN]

The intro is pretty cool.

I loved the first 4 lines in the verse. They are sick!
The rest is sick too, but the first 4 are my favourite.

I lost the flow 2-3 times, but maybe that's just me, but still it doesn't take me away from the sick rhymes and escpecially multies!

Loovin' it

[stevethetruth]

Intro is good.. nice job i liked it