life bet - verse

[Slim Zaddy]

i just write this know , cuz i feel bored , i hope u like it , feedback would be appreciated

I’m on life bet I need to get a mind twist to achieve the best,
There is a girl I feel rest with, I think she’s gonna be on my life nest,
Still shits getting on me, like an arrow hitting a tree which is me ,
It spoils my soul then leaves it to scatter on soil so feeling getting boiled,
It’s my life it has no point, I just have to flip the coin I’m disappoint,
I know u feel sad at same time mad, don’t be upset wit ur dad,
Sometimes u feel like u wanna happiness to be an add, dude its life be glad,
Live it spent ur time with it, kill it, u might then chill in it, it’s ur life is it,
Maybe still, u don’t get it, split sadness form it, join joy to it, don’t quit it ,
Friends are like a juice blend, there are many, but few u can depend on them,
Most of them want to see you descend; they pretend to be your best friend,
Well what you can do in this situation,, notin it’s life it’s a determination,
You must cope on with nor hesitation, u have to look for new pure destinations,

[Slim Zaddy]

feedback would be appreciated

[lilrossy]

it wasn't too bad. areas were pretty good.
I didn't understand "Live it spent ur time with it, kill it, u might then chill in it, it’s ur life is it, " didn't really make sense. seems like you just tryed to rhyme or sumthin'.
overall it was alright. nuttin special.

[James R.]

It wasn't bad, but I can tell you have a ton of potential. I'm not really feeling how the rhyme scheme changes after the 3rd or 4th line because it switches the flow up. Also the rhyming itself was really really simple. Rhyming me with me is a big no no if it's not a multi you know what I mean? Work on that and you'll improve loads.

[Slim Zaddy]

thanks for the feedback james ,,

[Slim Zaddy]

it wasn't too bad. areas were pretty good.
I didn't understand "Live it spent ur time with it, kill it, u might then chill in it, it’s ur life is it, " didn't really make sense. seems like you just tryed to rhyme or sumthin'.
overall it was alright. nuttin special.

here i'm talking about life
i mean spend ur time with it whether it's bad r good,., kill it means to be hard and face it wit courage and hope ,, and if u don’t then u might then chill in it ,.. so man i'm not tryn to rhyme ,, i did hve a purpose here but it's unclear .. i hope it's obvious now and thanks for the comment