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Deep shit (I think?)

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Deep shit (I think?)

Postby Jay-19 » Dec 22nd, '08, 13:04

Something I wrote under the influence of that sticky icky.
Don't know if the lyrics makes any sense, but I think it sounds deep, lol.
Don't have a chorus yet, need to smoke more to get one that fits. :8)

(Verse 1)
feels like I've just been sentenced to jail
if God's our father why'd he sent us to hell
and it's almost like God meant us to fail
loneliness is another scent to the smell
catchphrases are like scorching flames
I look for shelter under tortured saints
captivate the role that caution plays
I'll stay in the shadows, fortune frays
the other sad me, I'm the perfect clone
pitch black internally the surface shows
I'm trying to hide what hurts the most
I'm darkness inside every persons soul
my body fades away, my soul survives
I still can see, when I close my eyes
it's airless outside but it blows inside
I'm really not happy, just chose to lie

(Verse 2)
I'm a plastic man, with fantastic plans
finalize them before the casket slams
curse at the past where the bastard stands
grasp for anything with blasted hands
heart's slowing down, line disappears
demons speaking, inside of my ears
tell me I'm too weak to be fighting my fears
try to stay strong despite of my tears
state of depression feeling deprived
and music is what's healing inside
and everything that I'm hearing is lies
everywhere I stray I'm clearly denied
hill to happiness is steep and slippery
you wouldn't want to be the bitter me
I'm trapped like this I'm me for infinity
not my friend when I leave you better be

(Outro)
please God help me, I breathe you
please God help me, I need you
please God help me, I bleed you
please God help me, are we through?
please God help me, I breathe you
please God help me, I need you
please God help me, I bleed you
please God help me, are we through?
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Re: Deep shit (I think?)

Postby Urban Punk » Dec 22nd, '08, 13:21

nice! I liked it, tho I loved this line "I'm a plastic man, with fantastic plans" really good line bro keep it up :y:
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Re: Deep shit (I think?)

Postby Jay-19 » Dec 22nd, '08, 13:28

Thanks for the feed bro. :8)
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Re: Deep shit (I think?)

Postby Slim Zaddy » Dec 22nd, '08, 14:48

yes pal , it sounds good .. nice shit .. keep it up . :y:
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Re: Deep shit (I think?)

Postby Jay-19 » Dec 22nd, '08, 15:41

^^^ Thanks dude
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Re: Deep shit (I think?)

Postby MC Anonymous » Dec 22nd, '08, 15:50

Pretty decent stuff in here.
7/10, Keep droppin' bro :y:
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Re: Deep shit (I think?)

Postby Jay-19 » Dec 22nd, '08, 15:58

Appreciate it man! :y:
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Re: Deep shit (I think?)

Postby The GameKeeper » Dec 22nd, '08, 16:27

Damn man... that shit was deep. I loved the first verse, perfect man. II went to your Myspage page and peeped your shit. You got skills man, keep bangin out them tracks bro.

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Re: Deep shit (I think?)

Postby Solace » Dec 22nd, '08, 16:34

Dude that was nice :y: :y: The outro really reminded me of the chorus on Black Cotton. Nice flow, multies and decent vocab. 8/10, especially nice considering you wrote it high.
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Re: Deep shit (I think?)

Postby Jay-19 » Dec 22nd, '08, 17:22

^ Thanks for the feed guys, really appreciate it! :happy:
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Re: Deep shit (I think?)

Postby Boston » Dec 22nd, '08, 17:46

this is pretty good shit
i also went to your myspace to, its obvious i got you mixed up with someone else when i was saying
"work on your raps" - my fault, keep the good work
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Re: Deep shit (I think?)

Postby Jay-19 » Dec 22nd, '08, 17:49

Boston wrote:this is pretty good shit
i also went to your myspace to, its obvious i got you mixed up with someone else when i was saying
"work on your raps" - my fault, keep the good work


No harm done man.
And thanks. :y:
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Re: Deep shit (I think?)

Postby Ka0t1c » Dec 23rd, '08, 06:49

pretty smooth, 1st verse was written great, i think this piece deserves to be recognized for it's poetic depth... you prove that great rap songs don't need hella multies or a big vocab but rather a meaning, how smooth the flow is and also it's not materialistic.


keep it up :y:
oh yeah... and thanks for nothing too
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Re: Deep shit (I think?)

Postby Arabian Shady » Dec 23rd, '08, 10:31

Kaotic wrote:pretty smooth, 1st verse was written great, i think this piece deserves to be recognized for it's poetic depth... you prove that great rap songs don't need hella multies or a big vocab but rather a meaning, how smooth the flow is and also it's not materialistic.


keep it up :y:



i agree, pretty well written,keeps the reader engrossed thru out :y:
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So when we face rage, Ya'll fake it and let THEM commit horrific crimes
50 years & going straight, Yet this performance aint worth your time,OUR
Shit is BACKSTAGE,Cause the front page aint worth Kashmir and Palestine.
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Re: Deep shit (I think?)

Postby Jay-19 » Dec 23rd, '08, 12:11

^^^ Thanks for the kind words guys. :)
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