Frustrated Expressions ( N - E - W )

[Slim Zaddy]

I was bored nd i write it , i hope that you will like it .. feedback would be appreciated

Why cant i do thins the way i want,
this world is strange and aint changin for no one,
this life won't give me funds so i gotta earn some,
take my time stress is a disturbance making it hard to write a rhyme,
why cant people look at me the same they look at the president,
were equals but cant see pass their own negligent,
and times are rough and got us destroying are own intelligent,
our brains are see through and its showin the worlds rebellion,
the wars are heavy and at times causin major felons,
crimes occurring cause i cant have it my way,
twisted and havin tantrums like usher use to say,
my mind is sicker than thoughts of the late jeff dalmer,
and making me sweat more liquid than waterboy adam sandler,
realizin my ways and thoughts crepted up into me,
the Why Cant I mentality is really startin to abuse me,
to levels and points i cant even start to imagine,
and controllin my actions like the E! news director of fashion,
i'd take it all back if i could change my reactions,
i cant see anything pass what i want,
i'm reachin for the limit in the sky wit out the use of a gun,
pain is tragedy and there aint no end,
like a cure for aids not even if sex was a sin,
now that i look back on most of the things,
i got most of what i wanted and half of those blinged,
if i never ask the simple question why cant i,
i would never be writin music this whole verse would be lies,

[Boston]

i think its decent, its kind of to choppy to me. especially the structure, it gets confusing. i seen your other stuff and i like it better but i also like how you kind of tell a story in your rhymes (including this, so its good) and your rhyme scheme confuses me fro some reason haha, but your pretty good. keep it up
if you dont mind peep my new stuff! down below ha

[Slim Zaddy]

i think its decent, its kind of to choppy to me. especially the structure, it gets confusing. i seen your other stuff and i like it better but i also like how you kind of tell a story in your rhymes (including this, so its good) and your rhyme scheme confuses me fro some reason haha, but your pretty good. keep it up
if you dont mind peep my new stuff! down below ha

thanks man ,, i appreciate that ,, glad you like it .

[Slim Zaddy]

more feedback would be appreciated

[Ka0t1c]

it's good but you need to fix the errors like intelligent should be intelligence an I should be my, and so forth and some parts it's confusing cuz u didnt put in a comma, stuff like that

[Slim Zaddy]

it's good but you need to fix the errors like intelligent should be intelligence an I should be my, and so forth and some parts it's confusing cuz u didnt put in a comma, stuff like that

thanks man for checkin it out ..

[mcZu]

Yeah this piece is quite good bro. I enjoyed it

[Slim Zaddy]

Yeah this piece is quite good bro. I enjoyed it

thanks man

[James R.]

Well I agree with Boston and Kaotic. The errors in the spelling made it difficult to keep on track because your brain takes things in as they are (at least mine does) and it threw me for a second. Also the lack of punctuation made it hard to see how you were flowing something especially when you start with such a short line and then progress to ones that are way longer.

Boston had it on point with the choppiness of it. The flow was choppy and the consistency of quality through the song. The rhyming would be really good some places, not so great in others. The flow was hard to catch onto as stated above. The rhyme scheme was a little here nor there. Overall I liked it though. You've done better, but I really enjoyed reading it. Keep writing man. 7/10

[Slim Zaddy]

Well I agree with Boston and Kaotic. The errors in the spelling made it difficult to keep on track because your brain takes things in as they are (at least mine does) and it threw me for a second. Also the lack of punctuation made it hard to see how you were flowing something especially when you start with such a short line and then progress to ones that are way longer.

Boston had it on point with the choppiness of it. The flow was choppy and the consistency of quality through the song. The rhyming would be really good some places, not so great in others. The flow was hard to catch onto as stated above. The rhyme scheme was a little here nor there. Overall I liked it though. You've done better, but I really enjoyed reading it. Keep writing man. 7/10

thanks man for the real feed over here ,, glad you enjoyed reading it ..