Underlying Reality

[Arabian Shady]

wasssap brothers! this was my verse for the competition ( totally jacked the idea from kaotic ) but umm i didnt get enough votes, i was hopin some of ya'll could let me know where i went wrong .
i'ma write something new soon, i just have this exhibition coming up so work is takin all of my time.
here it goes:

These rhymes gon' ace clocks,cause they takin tests of time
When words come out by the flock, critics peck on minds
i'm old news since "Front Page" but i'm back with heat, lyrical
Ammo with taste & more C4 to blow ,Ten plus four and ME,
I'm more mature and grown ,So i'm havin some Drones flown to
Da forum to stop nerdy newbies talking about having their "job's blown"
Its sickening, i've lost my mind readin all this fuked up EMO-shit
Fukin up our E-motion, consistently bombin da vibe & the Emo-tion
So i blast these silly noobs with God like vexity,its simplified complexity
Cause when i put my foot down,even big foot stares in apparant perplexity
But let the readers ask ,"wats he talkin bout, is he fukin kiddin me"
Well this verse itself's a metaphore,let me break it down like nursery,
All i wrote about is Bombs & violence, it represent my sick mentality
Frustrations bound with killer silence, while I sit n watch this inhumanity
It aint the noobs i rhymed about, its the Gaza Strip catastrophe,see
You might not think it makes sense, but it potrays a dark reality.
Time was of the least importance, it never reali meant to me,cause
When ur brother lives to die, every minute can take eternity, some
Silly bars cant really capture what words simply cannot define, see
I'd ask you to read my shit again, but you might not have the time.

i'd appreciate any sorta feedback
Peace

[mcZu]

Not bad, flow was nice, lyrics were ok
Too bad you didn't get enough votes..
btw mine was #6

[Arabian Shady]

Not bad, flow was nice, lyrics were ok
Too bad you didn't get enough votes..
btw mine was #6

thnx for the feed bro, i guess that means i have to step it up in all aspects .
keep the feed comin ya'll!

[MC Anonymous]

wasssap brothers! this was my verse for the competition ( totally jacked the idea from kaotic ) but umm i didnt get enough votes, i was hopin some of ya'll could let me know where i went wrong .
i'ma write something new soon, i just have this exhibition coming up so work is takin all of my time.
here it goes:

These rhymes gon' ace clocks,cause they takin tests of time
When words come out by the flock, critics peck on minds

Pretty good opening lines... I think the last four words kinda lost momentum, but it was still a good way to start off a verse. 4/5

i'm old news since "Front Page" but i'm back with heat, lyrical
Ammo with taste & more C4 to blow ,Ten plus four and ME,
I'm more mature and grown ,So i'm havin some Drones flown to
Da forum to stop nerdy newbies talking about having their "job's blown"
Its sickening, i've lost my mind readin all this fuked up EMO-shit
Fukin up our E-motion, consistently bombin da vibe & the Emo-tion

Italicized words that I did signify that they are just filler words. These 6 bars you tried much to hard on complexity, and some of them didn't make sense. When you write lines like these, you should always make sure that they are not forced. 3/5

So i blast these silly noobs with God like vexity,its simplified complexity
Cause when i put my foot down,even big foot stares in apparant perplexity
But let the readers ask ,"wats he talkin bout, is he fukin kiddin me"
Well this verse itself's a metaphore,let me break it down like nursery,
All i wrote about is Bombs & violence, it represent my sick mentality
Frustrations bound with killer silence, while I sit n watch this inhumanity

First off, Vexity is not a word... lol. first two lines disregarding the made up word is pretty good. next 2 lines are kinda played, I've seen a lot of people use that type of punch/wordplay. last 2 lines in this bit was the best one IMO, flowed nice, great use of vocab, pretty good. 4/5

It aint the noobs i rhymed about, its the Gaza Strip catastrophe,see
You might not think it makes sense, but it potrays a dark reality.
Time was of the least importance, it never reali meant to me,cause
When ur brother lives to die, every minute can take eternity, some
Silly bars cant really capture what words simply cannot define, see
I'd ask you to read my shit again, but you might not have the time.

weakest part of the drop, not many multies, not many hard hitting punches, above average vocabulary so that's always a plus. no similes, flow was really weird on this last part also. 2/5

i'd appreciate any sorta feedback
Peace

Feed inside quote, hope I helped

[Ka0t1c]

i've lost my mind readin all this fuked up EMO-shit
Fukin up our E-motion, consistently bombin da vibe & the Emo-tion
So i blast these silly noobs with God like vexity,its simplified complexity

this part i didn't like at all

plus you prolly didn't get votes b/c your ending "rhymes" towards the end weren't rhyming, just similar sounding, somewhat

that's what i think, but i did like your piece, i understood most of it

[Arabian Shady]

wasssap brothers! this was my verse for the competition ( totally jacked the idea from kaotic ) but umm i didnt get enough votes, i was hopin some of ya'll could let me know where i went wrong .
i'ma write something new soon, i just have this exhibition coming up so work is takin all of my time.
here it goes:

These rhymes gon' ace clocks,cause they takin tests of time
When words come out by the flock, critics peck on minds

Pretty good opening lines... I think the last four words kinda lost momentum, but it was still a good way to start off a verse. 4/5

i'm old news since "Front Page" but i'm back with heat, lyrical
Ammo with taste & more C4 to blow ,Ten plus four and ME,
I'm more mature and grown ,So i'm havin some Drones flown to
Da forum to stop nerdy newbies talking about having their "job's blown"
Its sickening, i've lost my mind readin all this fuked up EMO-shit
Fukin up our E-motion, consistently bombin da vibe & the Emo-tion

Italicized words that I did signify that they are just filler words. These 6 bars you tried much to hard on complexity, and some of them didn't make sense. When you write lines like these, you should always make sure that they are not forced. 3/5

So i blast these silly noobs with God like vexity,its simplified complexity
Cause when i put my foot down,even big foot stares in apparant perplexity
But let the readers ask ,"wats he talkin bout, is he fukin kiddin me"
Well this verse itself's a metaphore,let me break it down like nursery,
All i wrote about is Bombs & violence, it represent my sick mentality
Frustrations bound with killer silence, while I sit n watch this inhumanity

First off, Vexity is not a word... lol. first two lines disregarding the made up word is pretty good. next 2 lines are kinda played, I've seen a lot of people use that type of punch/wordplay. last 2 lines in this bit was the best one IMO, flowed nice, great use of vocab, pretty good. 4/5

It aint the noobs i rhymed about, its the Gaza Strip catastrophe,see
You might not think it makes sense, but it potrays a dark reality.
Time was of the least importance, it never reali meant to me,cause
When ur brother lives to die, every minute can take eternity, some
Silly bars cant really capture what words simply cannot define, see
I'd ask you to read my shit again, but you might not have the time.

weakest part of the drop, not many multies, not many hard hitting punches, above average vocabulary so that's always a plus. no similes, flow was really weird on this last part also. 2/5

i'd appreciate any sorta feedback
Peace

Feed inside quote, hope I helped

points understood and duly taken note off, major props on the bit by bit feed back

i've lost my mind readin all this fuked up EMO-shit
Fukin up our E-motion, consistently bombin da vibe & the Emo-tion
So i blast these silly noobs with God like vexity,its simplified complexity

this part i didn't like at all

plus you prolly didn't get votes b/c your ending "rhymes" towards the end weren't rhyming, just similar sounding, somewhat

that's what i think, but i did like your piece, i understood most of it

yeah i get it, i was actually confused about vexity, i checked the dictionary while writing it but i was like who gives a shit , lmao well now i know

[MC Anonymous]

wasssap brothers! this was my verse for the competition ( totally jacked the idea from kaotic ) but umm i didnt get enough votes, i was hopin some of ya'll could let me know where i went wrong .
i'ma write something new soon, i just have this exhibition coming up so work is takin all of my time.
here it goes:

These rhymes gon' ace clocks,cause they takin tests of time
When words come out by the flock, critics peck on minds

Pretty good opening lines... I think the last four words kinda lost momentum, but it was still a good way to start off a verse. 4/5

i'm old news since "Front Page" but i'm back with heat, lyrical
Ammo with taste & more C4 to blow ,Ten plus four and ME,
I'm more mature and grown ,So i'm havin some Drones flown to
Da forum to stop nerdy newbies talking about having their "job's blown"
Its sickening, i've lost my mind readin all this fuked up EMO-shit
Fukin up our E-motion, consistently bombin da vibe & the Emo-tion

Italicized words that I did signify that they are just filler words. These 6 bars you tried much to hard on complexity, and some of them didn't make sense. When you write lines like these, you should always make sure that they are not forced. 3/5

So i blast these silly noobs with God like vexity,its simplified complexity
Cause when i put my foot down,even big foot stares in apparant perplexity
But let the readers ask ,"wats he talkin bout, is he fukin kiddin me"
Well this verse itself's a metaphore,let me break it down like nursery,
All i wrote about is Bombs & violence, it represent my sick mentality
Frustrations bound with killer silence, while I sit n watch this inhumanity

First off, Vexity is not a word... lol. first two lines disregarding the made up word is pretty good. next 2 lines are kinda played, I've seen a lot of people use that type of punch/wordplay. last 2 lines in this bit was the best one IMO, flowed nice, great use of vocab, pretty good. 4/5

It aint the noobs i rhymed about, its the Gaza Strip catastrophe,see
You might not think it makes sense, but it potrays a dark reality.
Time was of the least importance, it never reali meant to me,cause
When ur brother lives to die, every minute can take eternity, some
Silly bars cant really capture what words simply cannot define, see
I'd ask you to read my shit again, but you might not have the time.

weakest part of the drop, not many multies, not many hard hitting punches, above average vocabulary so that's always a plus. no similes, flow was really weird on this last part also. 2/5

i'd appreciate any sorta feedback
Peace

Feed inside quote, hope I helped

points understood and duly taken note off, major props on the bit by bit feed back

i've lost my mind readin all this fuked up EMO-shit
Fukin up our E-motion, consistently bombin da vibe & the Emo-tion
So i blast these silly noobs with God like vexity,its simplified complexity

this part i didn't like at all

plus you prolly didn't get votes b/c your ending "rhymes" towards the end weren't rhyming, just similar sounding, somewhat

that's what i think, but i did like your piece, i understood most of it

yeah i get it, i was actually confused about vexity, i checked the dictionary while writing it but i was like who gives a shit , lmao well now i know

You're welcome.

[James R.]

Anonymous pretty much wrapped it up. The biggest flaw was the end you just completely fell off with the rhyming. It was just words, some of which rhymed ish, others that didn't