The haze diss retaliation

[Purple23Haze]

Know I drop it like it was acquitted
you judges should quit the business
Through the internet I bet
I can’t make you timid yet
so I’ll take lil baby steps
Enter you dreams a make it a lil wet
Simple yes n pop ya like pimple next
Look I get it you bitches don’t like me
but forget it I’m gonna stay fighting
Reciting and rewriting til I’m done replying
to all your conniption fit bitching and griping
Moaning and groaning here’s the forewarning
While yall play with your vibrating toys
Haze is gonna make some trifling noise
You had to gang up couldn’t do it alone boy…null n void
just goes to show you aint shit without your homeboys
Or girls what’s with it for instance he’s pissing
she’s pissing and your pissing in the wind n
Is that a penis or some pussy lips I’m seein’
You fall into place as Haze springs into action
I’ve been attacked n to my growing satisfaction
you see me back like the ones that get stabbed in
And like that knife I keep coming straight back n
Digging new flesh…I’m the next best thing since sliced bread
Slice your neck, it’s like a trifecta death
dead bleeding breathing your last breath
Lyrically of course my birth torched
Haze came into the world scorched
So everything I write has flame on it
Can’t touch it if it’s got my name on it

Some lines I couldn't avoid no structure but here it is flows rather nicely if you ask me but I'm the one writing it

[Requiem]

decent diss, rhymes were good, but flow wasn't really there. delivery was on spot, but again, when the flow is so awkward, its kind of hard to see structure.
6/10, not bad. but not that great either

[Purple23Haze]

decent diss, rhymes were good, but flow wasn't really there. delivery was on spot, but again, when the flow is so awkward, its kind of hard to see structure.
6/10, not bad. but not that great either

educate me on structure then cause when I read it it sounds really good

[James R.]

decent diss, rhymes were good, but flow wasn't really there. delivery was on spot, but again, when the flow is so awkward, its kind of hard to see structure.
6/10, not bad. but not that great either

educate me on structure then cause when I read it it sounds really good

That's because YOU are writing it. When you're just writing something for a text forum that people have to read you need to make it have a flow by giving each bar a similar number of syllables. Or you could write it to a beat and post a link to the beat.

So your structure looks like this

I'm gonna cram a bunch of words into this line just because I can
Fuck you and all your homies man

When I wrote that, if I said it write it'd flow. But if someone else read that they probably wouldn't know when to pause, speed up, slow down, or anything like that, so you want something more like:

I'm gonna spit some whack shit to you and yours (11 syls)
You're a bitch and your whole crew is whores (9 syls)

Because they're so similar in length they flow together naturally as you read them

I'm not doing this because I like you, but because I don't want to waste verses on a "10 year writing veteran with a college education" if this is the best you're going to come up with.

[Requiem]

^exactly a james r. put it

[Purple23Haze]

decent diss, rhymes were good, but flow wasn't really there. delivery was on spot, but again, when the flow is so awkward, its kind of hard to see structure.
6/10, not bad. but not that great either

educate me on structure then cause when I read it it sounds really good

That's because YOU are writing it. When you're just writing something for a text forum that people have to read you need to make it have a flow by giving each bar a similar number of syllables. Or you could write it to a beat and post a link to the beat.

So your structure looks like this

I'm gonna cram a bunch of words into this line just because I can
Fuck you and all your homies man

When I wrote that, if I said it write it'd flow. But if someone else read that they probably wouldn't know when to pause, speed up, slow down, or anything like that, so you want something more like:

I'm gonna spit some whack shit to you and yours (11 syls)
You're a bitch and your whole crew is whores (9 syls)

Because they're so similar in length they flow together naturally as you read them

I'm not doing this because I like you, but because I don't want to waste verses on a "10 year writing veteran with a college education" if this is the best you're going to come up with.

K and I lied about the college edu but thanx anyway though I have been writing for ten years

[Boston]

youve been writing for ten years? i would hate to see what your writing looked like ten years ago LOL.

[mcZu]

I dunno what to say, it's not totally bad, but far from decent...
Like James said, you need to structure it better and try to fix up the flow.
If you lied about the degree, you probably just started writting last week...

[Solace]

decent diss, rhymes were good, but flow wasn't really there. delivery was on spot, but again, when the flow is so awkward, its kind of hard to see structure.
6/10, not bad. but not that great either

did you just say the delivery is on spot.

Take James' advice, and then redo the diss. Cause its annoying to read garbage like that, and then try to take it as a diss. Just fix that structure, be humble, and you won't get hated on by the greatest

[Requiem]

decent diss, rhymes were good, but flow wasn't really there. delivery was on spot, but again, when the flow is so awkward, its kind of hard to see structure.
6/10, not bad. but not that great either

did you just say the delivery is on spot.

Take James' advice, and then redo the diss. Cause its annoying to read garbage like that, and then try to take it as a diss. Just fix that structure, be humble, and you won't get hated on by the greatest

correction, u won't get shitted on by the greatest

[Purple23Haze]

I'm uppin' it since I fixed the structure

[James R.]

Better structure, still whack as fuck.

[Solace]

Agreed^ Some of the shittest punchlines ever in there "im the next best thing since sliced bread"

[Ka0t1c]

Through the internet I bet
I can’t make you timid yet
so I’ll take lil baby steps
Enter you dreams a make it a lil wet
Simple yes n pop ya like pimple next
Look I get it you bitches don’t like me
but forget it I’m gonna stay fighting
Reciting and rewriting til I’m done replying
to all your conniption fit bitching and griping
Moaning and groaning here’s the forewarning
While yall play with your vibrating toys
Haze is gonna make some trifling noise
You had to gang up couldn’t do it alone boy…null n void
just goes to show you aint shit without your homeboy

that part was written well, then it fell apart too much imo

still decent 7/10 overall

but that i quoted deserves 9 i think