Wedding Game

[gutawafang]

if wedding was a game, it'd prolly be lame
so here's a stick, shit this the same
do i need a ring and a kiss on your lips
and a piece of chocolate and bouquet of tulips

if it's a board game, let me roll the dice
i got a six, now let me roll it twice
let me tell the similar lies
while the audience rise

if it's a race game, i'd boost my way to the end
drift at every bend, ignore the rest of the men
cuz i'd be running towards the angel God sent
i'd continue to drive even if my car's bent

if it's a riddle, i guess i'd be stuck in é middle
i'm clueless and blur, you laugh and giggle
truth or dare, i'd dare to tell you the truth
to show you i love you together with proof

I think it can't even flow man. I seriously need to improve, rite? Maybe I can't write that well after all...

[Slim Zaddy]

i think you got skills , but you're not using them right , for this ya it's can be done better ,, try to fix the structure and for rhymes always make it flow thorugh your head before writing it down ,, and take James advice , which is try to write on a beat ,, , and i'm pretty sure you will be doin good , and as a start it's good though , we all start bad at first so it's not a big deal bro ,, but try to improve and that's all .. i will be looking into your writing ,, gd luck pal

[gutawafang]

Thank you Z Em for your advice and encouragement! I'll do my best to improve!

[James R.]

You just got beginners kinks man. Most important thing is flow. Z_Em said it, try to make it flow through your head, but that doesn't always work, so try the beat. Just like he said. The easiest way to make it flow without a beat is by writing lines that focus around a number of syllables. Like aim for 10 syllables in a line only varying by 1 or 2 between lines (so each line would be 9-11 syllables) and that makes it flow just fine. Once you get more experienced and you blossom into a specific style then you'll be able to experiment with different schemes.

Next is rhyming. Try to add some multies to it. Nothing major. Just try to rhyme 2 words at a time. That'll up your complexity and maintain your flow which is what you're always aiming to do. Say more without losing your vibe. Also try to add some internal rhymes.

You always come around actin stupid
I'm used to it because I already been through it

That also increases your complexity while maintaining flow. Work on that before anything else.

[gutawafang]

Thanks for your comment, James. I'll take note of all you said.