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Healthy Life Style

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Healthy Life Style

Postby gutawafang » Jan 28th, '09, 10:10

http://www.imeem.com/cliffhanger14/music/QGYUaeT2/fish_fish/
Hope you'll take a minute to listen. :)

No more a secret
You get those pimps from chocolates
And get those fats from burgers
In the end, it's worthless
All é food goes into your stomach, through your gullet
Your chicken rice, chicken feet, chicken wing, chicken cutlet
You try to burn it off, you work wout
But imbalance dominates, it won't work out
Do it every week, day, all you need is a balanced diet
What for you exercise to make yourself tired
Then you get sick from all those fatty acids
You could've lived till 90, but 50 that's it
You can't control it, you keep heightening your cholestrol
You still eat, you don't care bout your health at all
It's psychology reversed here in a form of a verse
Don't wait till é day you need a nurse
Have it well-balanced with the food and the veggies
Study the pyramid and you could stand steady
I know what's on your mind, must be those speedy food
All those junk and all those dirty food
The coke you drinking, have plain water instead
Pratas everyday, why not have bread
It seems like this do not apply only to teenagers
I'm talking to all of you from all ages.
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Re: Healthy Life Style

Postby Slim Zaddy » Jan 28th, '09, 10:35

well man lyrically it's great i liked the concept though and the flow seems cool ,, so it rhyming pattern .. so lyrically you're improved ,, i have listen to your voice ,, it's seems cool , but you're singing like hopeless man , or so boring, there is no energy in your voice you hve to make excitement if you know what i mean ,, it's so low and quality isnt that good though ,, so try to work on making it exciting and full of energy or full of life in other words ,, i'm not trying to be mean or something ,, but that's my advice for you .. . keepon working bro .. :y: :y:
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Re: Healthy Life Style

Postby gutawafang » Jan 28th, '09, 15:31

Thank you both man. Scott and Z Em.

Thing is, I didn't edit at all. I didn't even practice at all. I was given less than one day to do this up. My friend forced me to do it. I agree I wasn't sincerely rapping it out.

So yeah. Thank you for the critics! :flower:
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Re: Healthy Life Style

Postby Slim Zaddy » Jan 28th, '09, 17:22

you are welcomed man :y:
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Re: Healthy Life Style

Postby MC Anonymous » Jan 28th, '09, 17:27

Lyrically this was not great. I didn't see one multie in this. Very limited when it comes to wordplay/punchlines/similes. Flow was really the only above average thing about this drop. I see your improvement, but saying things that aren't true to you will only steer you in the direction of a cycle that involves lyrical stagnation. Structure was there, and I want you to do me a favor next drop, focus more on subject matter that inspires you, not one that people pick out for you. :y:
LMFAO@ Brittney, bitch looking worse than a chupacabra mixed with a broken down coyote. You're disgusting ugly, so ugly in fact, my brain simultaneously exploded while processing how bitterly grotesque you look. I would much rather stick ice picks into the walls of my cranium, then stick my dick into your quagmire of a clitoris. You're what would happen if a sperm whale mated with a Godzilla fish..


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Re: Healthy Life Style

Postby gutawafang » Jan 28th, '09, 17:41

MC Anonymous wrote:Lyrically this was not great. I didn't see one multie in this. Very limited when it comes to wordplay/punchlines/similes. Flow was really the only above average thing about this drop. I see your improvement, but saying things that aren't true to you will only steer you in the direction of a cycle that involves lyrical stagnation. Structure was there, and I want you to do me a favor next drop, focus more on subject matter that inspires you, not one that people pick out for you. :y:


Thank you alot for your time to listen and critic man. I appreciate it a lot. :happy:

I'll improve. Really, thank you MC Anonymus!
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Re: Healthy Life Style

Postby Slim Zaddy » Jan 28th, '09, 17:42

MC Anonymous wrote:Lyrically this was not great. I didn't see one multie in this. Very limited when it comes to wordplay/punchlines/similes. Flow was really the only above average thing about this drop. I see your improvement, but saying things that aren't true to you will only steer you in the direction of a cycle that involves lyrical stagnation. Structure was there, and I want you to do me a favor next drop, focus more on subject matter that inspires you, not one that people pick out for you. :y:


well it's a different opinion though here , i know you are talking about me man, if you don't find it lyrically great .. that's doesn't mean at all that it's not great ,, it's just mean that you yourself think it's not great , and it's true that it's lyrically great for me , cuz we have different taste in music , and we have different moods . and when i say to him it's great i mean compared to his other drops ,, he is new here ,, so i'm not expecting wordplay/ punchlines or multies from him , step by step he will be perfect .. ,, so man it's great for you at this level ,, keep going :y: :y:
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Re: Healthy Life Style

Postby MC Anonymous » Jan 28th, '09, 17:43

gutawafang wrote:
MC Anonymous wrote:Lyrically this was not great. I didn't see one multie in this. Very limited when it comes to wordplay/punchlines/similes. Flow was really the only above average thing about this drop. I see your improvement, but saying things that aren't true to you will only steer you in the direction of a cycle that involves lyrical stagnation. Structure was there, and I want you to do me a favor next drop, focus more on subject matter that inspires you, not one that people pick out for you. :y:


Thank you alot for your time to listen and critic man. I appreciate it a lot. :happy:

I'll improve. Really, thank you MC Anonymus!

:y:
LMFAO@ Brittney, bitch looking worse than a chupacabra mixed with a broken down coyote. You're disgusting ugly, so ugly in fact, my brain simultaneously exploded while processing how bitterly grotesque you look. I would much rather stick ice picks into the walls of my cranium, then stick my dick into your quagmire of a clitoris. You're what would happen if a sperm whale mated with a Godzilla fish..


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Re: Healthy Life Style

Postby MC Anonymous » Jan 28th, '09, 17:47

z_em wrote:
MC Anonymous wrote:Lyrically this was not great. I didn't see one multie in this. Very limited when it comes to wordplay/punchlines/similes. Flow was really the only above average thing about this drop. I see your improvement, but saying things that aren't true to you will only steer you in the direction of a cycle that involves lyrical stagnation. Structure was there, and I want you to do me a favor next drop, focus more on subject matter that inspires you, not one that people pick out for you. :y:


well it's a different opinion though here , i know you are talking about me man, if you don't find it lyrically great .. that's doesn't mean at all that it's not great ,, it's just mean that you yourself think it's not great , and it's true that it's lyrically great for me , cuz we have different taste in music , and we have different moods . and when i say to him it's great i mean compared to his other drops ,, he is new here ,, so i'm not expecting wordplay/ punchlines or multies from him , step by step he will be perfect .. ,, so man it's great for you at this level ,, keep going :y: :y:

If you don't tell him what he is lacking, then how is he supposed to improve? You say you don't expect him to use multies etc. Well the proper way to lead him in the right direction is to tell him what he is lacking, and tell him what he already has down. It's obvious he has down structure and flow, he's missing 3 main components though, Mutlies/wordplay/punchlines. No disrespect, and if you look at what I'm saying you'll understand where I am coming from. Giving him the tools he needs in the beginning will be a foundation, and he'll be able to build off of it at a much earlier time.
LMFAO@ Brittney, bitch looking worse than a chupacabra mixed with a broken down coyote. You're disgusting ugly, so ugly in fact, my brain simultaneously exploded while processing how bitterly grotesque you look. I would much rather stick ice picks into the walls of my cranium, then stick my dick into your quagmire of a clitoris. You're what would happen if a sperm whale mated with a Godzilla fish..


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Re: Healthy Life Style

Postby gutawafang » Jan 28th, '09, 17:53

Yes. I agree I should improve on the three things...
It's great to learn from you man! :happy: :y:
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Re: Healthy Life Style

Postby Slim Zaddy » Jan 28th, '09, 17:55

MC Anonymous wrote:
z_em wrote:
MC Anonymous wrote:Lyrically this was not great. I didn't see one multie in this. Very limited when it comes to wordplay/punchlines/similes. Flow was really the only above average thing about this drop. I see your improvement, but saying things that aren't true to you will only steer you in the direction of a cycle that involves lyrical stagnation. Structure was there, and I want you to do me a favor next drop, focus more on subject matter that inspires you, not one that people pick out for you. :y:


well it's a different opinion though here , i know you are talking about me man, if you don't find it lyrically great .. that's doesn't mean at all that it's not great ,, it's just mean that you yourself think it's not great , and it's true that it's lyrically great for me , cuz we have different taste in music , and we have different moods . and when i say to him it's great i mean compared to his other drops ,, he is new here ,, so i'm not expecting wordplay/ punchlines or multies from him , step by step he will be perfect .. ,, so man it's great for you at this level ,, keep going :y: :y:

If you don't tell him what he is lacking, then how is he supposed to improve? You say you don't expect him to use multies etc. Well the proper way to lead him in the right direction is to tell him what he is lacking, and tell him what he already has down. It's obvious he has down structure and flow, he's missing 3 main components though, Mutlies/wordplay/punchlines. No disrespect, and if you look at what I'm saying you'll understand where I am coming from. Giving him the tools he needs in the beginning will be a foundation, and he'll be able to build off of it at a much earlier time.


nah i guess you do have a point , but what i think is that you were just telling me in an indirect why that i did'nt tell him the truth though ,, anyway MC peace man .. but still i found it great :p ..
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Re: Healthy Life Style

Postby MC Anonymous » Jan 28th, '09, 18:01

gutawafang wrote:Yes. I agree I should improve on the three things...
It's great to learn from you man! :happy: :y:

:y: :y: You have MSN? if so add me gothik_knives@hotmail.com
LMFAO@ Brittney, bitch looking worse than a chupacabra mixed with a broken down coyote. You're disgusting ugly, so ugly in fact, my brain simultaneously exploded while processing how bitterly grotesque you look. I would much rather stick ice picks into the walls of my cranium, then stick my dick into your quagmire of a clitoris. You're what would happen if a sperm whale mated with a Godzilla fish..


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