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Postby Ka0t1c » Jan 31st, '09, 18:12

u leave me no choice but to pick up your slack
so as a leader, i'll voice my opinion - i'm back
on the meter again and i'm set to release this piece for a track
and i don't need a reason to act cuz this is as real as it gets
the fact is i spit my feelings instead of throwing little ass fits
let me speak to the class cuz ever since i passed being a kid
i never missed a second at seeing this grid, you can ask where i hid
but my mask i had rid when my task got too big to keep my head trapped right within
what i did instead was to dig my hands for a pen and plan a new jig
rather than a good gig cuz forever our planet does spin whether we're ready to bat
things happen while traveling the land and you cannot pretend
if you want to live one step ahead of the trends, don't trap yourself in
you have yet to imagine the better half, towards the end your treasures you'll win


etc, etc.
oh yeah... and thanks for nothing too
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Re: Submit

Postby mcZu » Jan 31st, '09, 23:29

Hmm... I liked how you started and the overall piece is not bad, but clearly not one of your best.
I have seen you write better pieces, the flow was questionable at one point, still it flowed kinda well for me. Vocab was nothing impressive but above average, multies were used well and the overall rhyming pattern was great. Overall an enjoyable read, but I know you can do way better :y:
"Truth is limitless in its range; if you drop a 'T' and look at it in reverse, it could hurt."
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Re: Submit

Postby Slim Zaddy » Feb 1st, '09, 07:49

i have seen you writing better ,, but it's good .. keeep it up :y:
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z_em = Slim Zaddy = Zaid AQ which is my real name
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