Why? (Love/Hate song) - My first of this genre

[gutawafang]

love song.

i think u're sick with all the rhymes man. and it's been expressed well enuf. cool shit.

[Slim Zaddy]

I LOVE THIS , i'm always an admire of emotional songs ,, and this is just great McMaybe , really the rhymes schemes and lyrics are dope . it's got an anger and blaming emotions which is good. i can feel it ,, the chorus is sick ,, overlall it's a dope track bro .. keep writing like that

[James R.]

I'm lovin it man. You have one of the best flows on the site so that's on lock already. You really expressed yourself though. I could feel your pain ya know? It's impressive especially for it being your 1st of this type of song. Nothing I didn't expect though lol. Anyways I didn't see anything wrong with it and you already know you're the shit out this bitch, so what more can I say? Haha

[SajN]

I totally agree with Lil James

Very nice!

[MC Anonymous]

INTRO
At first I thought fuck it, I can deal if it's true...
but every lie's another portion of my feelings for you..
that is gone.. But I'll never let you break my heart...
I promised that I'd never let another chick erase my:

VERSE
Everything was great, it even started off with excellence..
I liked you, you liked me, and I trusted and respected this...
but ever since that negligence you represented entered...
every time you say you love me I just can't bare to forget it...
I've been nothing but the greatest, very patient and such..
I've sacrificed my life for you.. I've taken the plunge..
dedicated my life to changing to make you the one...
made you the sky and the stars I stare at.. I made you the sun,
but instead of radiating with the prism I'm worth..
I get sick every time I think about the dish I was served...
I don't deserve this... Of course nobodies perfect..
but you hurt me so many times.. I feel like it's on purpose...
but what hurts the most is every time I try to fix the cut..
you make it deeper and it seems like I just can't uplift the rut..
cause I've been weak before and lost it... but never in love..
cause I've been buried pretty deep before, but never been shoved...

CHORUS
Why did you hurt me? All I ever ask is dedication...
I don't hate you no, I love you, but love is ever vacant..
Our relationship has never been the same since what you did...
and to think.. I thought you'd be the mother to my kids... X2

VERSE
You make it up, while you're hoping that I skip assuming,
which is true I use to... but ever since you ripped the wound...
I'm back to the mentality I used to have before this...
now I truly understand what the definition of whore is...
it's horrid to hear from people that your making a sprat...
and that's directly affecting me, and everything that we had...
and it's directly directed at me.. and I'm taken aback..
I've seen a lot of shit in my life... But breaking a pact?
love is like a science where the heat revolves with conscious..
while doctors search for different constant treatment options..
we evolve in boxes cause eventually the cycle should die...
but everything I felt inside is bottled and I...
just need to release aggression I guess that I'm stressed..
and I guess tension has entered.. and I guess I'm impressed..
cause if you really loved and trusted me, then matter is fate..
I'll let the window to my heart inside just shatter and break...

CHORUS
Why did you hurt me? All I ever ask is dedication...
I don't hate you no, I love you, but love is ever vacant..
Our relationship has never been the same since what you did...
and to think.. I thought you'd be the mother to my kids... X2

From a lyricist point of view I'm going to critique this piece, I hope you don't see it as I'm being a jerk, I'm just going to really feed all the pieces i read now.

Verse 1; Lyrically it was nothing special, I've seen you do leaps and bounds better, what got me was the seamless flow and emotion. Now emotion shouldn't be an excuse for substandard work, and I take into an account that this is your first of the genre, so for a first round it was impressive. I see that the structure was perfectly placed, yet the content inside was a little cliche, I've seen it be used a lot before.

but instead of radiating with the prism I'm worth..
I get sick every time I think about the dish I was served...

^^^^^^^Those lines were the only stand out lines to me on the first verse.

Verse 2; Lyrically it was better than verse one, a lot more rhymes inbetween and the lyrical quality was raised. The seamless flow is consistant in verse two and the emotion is better portrayed in this verse. The way you represent your emotion without sacrificing lyrical quality is what you need to do with all your emotional pieces, that way I wouldn't have to point stuff out. The cliche lines you had in the first ones weren't as presistant in this verse, which is always a good thing.

love is like a science where the heat revolves with conscious..
while doctors search for different constant treatment options..

^^^^^^^Those lines were the best stand out lines to me on the second verse.

Overall this piece was a 8/10, I've seen you do better as I said before, and I feel that you can make a kickass love song the next time you try it.

[Slim Zaddy]

INTRO
At first I thought fuck it, I can deal if it's true...
but every lie's another portion of my feelings for you..
that is gone.. But I'll never let you break my heart...
I promised that I'd never let another chick erase my:

VERSE
Everything was great, it even started off with excellence..
I liked you, you liked me, and I trusted and respected this...
but ever since that negligence you represented entered...
every time you say you love me I just can't bare to forget it...
I've been nothing but the greatest, very patient and such..
I've sacrificed my life for you.. I've taken the plunge..
dedicated my life to changing to make you the one...
made you the sky and the stars I stare at.. I made you the sun,
but instead of radiating with the prism I'm worth..
I get sick every time I think about the dish I was served...
I don't deserve this... Of course nobodies perfect..
but you hurt me so many times.. I feel like it's on purpose...
but what hurts the most is every time I try to fix the cut..
you make it deeper and it seems like I just can't uplift the rut..
cause I've been weak before and lost it... but never in love..
cause I've been buried pretty deep before, but never been shoved...

CHORUS
Why did you hurt me? All I ever ask is dedication...
I don't hate you no, I love you, but love is ever vacant..
Our relationship has never been the same since what you did...
and to think.. I thought you'd be the mother to my kids... X2

VERSE
You make it up, while you're hoping that I skip assuming,
which is true I use to... but ever since you ripped the wound...
I'm back to the mentality I used to have before this...
now I truly understand what the definition of whore is...
it's horrid to hear from people that your making a sprat...
and that's directly affecting me, and everything that we had...
and it's directly directed at me.. and I'm taken aback..
I've seen a lot of shit in my life... But breaking a pact?
love is like a science where the heat revolves with conscious..
while doctors search for different constant treatment options..
we evolve in boxes cause eventually the cycle should die...
but everything I felt inside is bottled and I...
just need to release aggression I guess that I'm stressed..
and I guess tension has entered.. and I guess I'm impressed..
cause if you really loved and trusted me, then matter is fate..
I'll let the window to my heart inside just shatter and break...

CHORUS
Why did you hurt me? All I ever ask is dedication...
I don't hate you no, I love you, but love is ever vacant..
Our relationship has never been the same since what you did...
and to think.. I thought you'd be the mother to my kids... X2

From a lyricist point of view I'm going to critique this piece, I hope you don't see it as I'm being a jerk, I'm just going to really feed all the pieces i read now.

Verse 1; Lyrically it was nothing special, I've seen you do leaps and bounds better, what got me was the seamless flow and emotion. Now emotion shouldn't be an excuse for substandard work, and I take into an account that this is your first of the genre, so for a first round it was impressive. I see that the structure was perfectly placed, yet the content inside was a little cliche, I've seen it be used a lot before.

but instead of radiating with the prism I'm worth..
I get sick every time I think about the dish I was served...

^^^^^^^Those lines were the only stand out lines to me on the first verse.

Verse 2; Lyrically it was better than verse one, a lot more rhymes inbetween and the lyrical quality was raised. The seamless flow is consistant in verse two and the emotion is better portrayed in this verse. The way you represent your emotion without sacrificing lyrical quality is what you need to do with all your emotional pieces, that way I wouldn't have to point stuff out. The cliche lines you had in the first ones weren't as presistant in this verse, which is always a good thing.

love is like a science where the heat revolves with conscious..
while doctors search for different constant treatment options..

^^^^^^^Those lines were the best stand out lines to me on the second verse.

Overall this piece was a 8/10, I've seen you do better as I said before, and I feel that you can make a kickass love song the next time you try it.

well i think james has an impact .. .. but you know what it's better to feed peaple this way .. they need the truth ,, everyone need the real critice for his own piece

[MC Anonymous]

INTRO
At first I thought fuck it, I can deal if it's true...
but every lie's another portion of my feelings for you..
that is gone.. But I'll never let you break my heart...
I promised that I'd never let another chick erase my:

VERSE
Everything was great, it even started off with excellence..
I liked you, you liked me, and I trusted and respected this...
but ever since that negligence you represented entered...
every time you say you love me I just can't bare to forget it...
I've been nothing but the greatest, very patient and such..
I've sacrificed my life for you.. I've taken the plunge..
dedicated my life to changing to make you the one...
made you the sky and the stars I stare at.. I made you the sun,
but instead of radiating with the prism I'm worth..
I get sick every time I think about the dish I was served...
I don't deserve this... Of course nobodies perfect..
but you hurt me so many times.. I feel like it's on purpose...
but what hurts the most is every time I try to fix the cut..
you make it deeper and it seems like I just can't uplift the rut..
cause I've been weak before and lost it... but never in love..
cause I've been buried pretty deep before, but never been shoved...

CHORUS
Why did you hurt me? All I ever ask is dedication...
I don't hate you no, I love you, but love is ever vacant..
Our relationship has never been the same since what you did...
and to think.. I thought you'd be the mother to my kids... X2

VERSE
You make it up, while you're hoping that I skip assuming,
which is true I use to... but ever since you ripped the wound...
I'm back to the mentality I used to have before this...
now I truly understand what the definition of whore is...
it's horrid to hear from people that your making a sprat...
and that's directly affecting me, and everything that we had...
and it's directly directed at me.. and I'm taken aback..
I've seen a lot of shit in my life... But breaking a pact?
love is like a science where the heat revolves with conscious..
while doctors search for different constant treatment options..
we evolve in boxes cause eventually the cycle should die...
but everything I felt inside is bottled and I...
just need to release aggression I guess that I'm stressed..
and I guess tension has entered.. and I guess I'm impressed..
cause if you really loved and trusted me, then matter is fate..
I'll let the window to my heart inside just shatter and break...

CHORUS
Why did you hurt me? All I ever ask is dedication...
I don't hate you no, I love you, but love is ever vacant..
Our relationship has never been the same since what you did...
and to think.. I thought you'd be the mother to my kids... X2

From a lyricist point of view I'm going to critique this piece, I hope you don't see it as I'm being a jerk, I'm just going to really feed all the pieces i read now.

Verse 1; Lyrically it was nothing special, I've seen you do leaps and bounds better, what got me was the seamless flow and emotion. Now emotion shouldn't be an excuse for substandard work, and I take into an account that this is your first of the genre, so for a first round it was impressive. I see that the structure was perfectly placed, yet the content inside was a little cliche, I've seen it be used a lot before.

but instead of radiating with the prism I'm worth..
I get sick every time I think about the dish I was served...

^^^^^^^Those lines were the only stand out lines to me on the first verse.

Verse 2; Lyrically it was better than verse one, a lot more rhymes inbetween and the lyrical quality was raised. The seamless flow is consistant in verse two and the emotion is better portrayed in this verse. The way you represent your emotion without sacrificing lyrical quality is what you need to do with all your emotional pieces, that way I wouldn't have to point stuff out. The cliche lines you had in the first ones weren't as presistant in this verse, which is always a good thing.

love is like a science where the heat revolves with conscious..
while doctors search for different constant treatment options..

^^^^^^^Those lines were the best stand out lines to me on the second verse.

Overall this piece was a 8/10, I've seen you do better as I said before, and I feel that you can make a kickass love song the next time you try it.

well i think james has an impact .. .. but you know what it's better to feed peaple this way .. they need the truth ,, everyone need the real critice for his own piece

Yeah I feel that the Creative Section will grow if you used the guidelines I Just portrayed there.

[Slim Zaddy]

ya you right , i'm with you buddy ,, from now and on

[mcZu]

For a first love/hate song you did pretty well. Emotion was there, lyrics were great and the flow was good. Didn't like the chorus, dunno why... intro fitted great though. I enjoyed reading it, and I would gladly hear this is an audio.

[MC Anonymous]

ROFL at your awful review Anon. Unlike you, some people know that having complicated complex lyrics that make very little sense eliminates the ability to connect with the crowd. Nothing is cliche if it's true, and balancing the message and the lyrics is more important, look at 50 cents success for example.

I can take criticism if it came from a true lyricist that writes pieces that have meaning, like James or Poseidon for example, but not from someone who has a track record of pointless songs containing long words (which if people knew) make so little sense.

Do me a favor, unless you have some REAL criticism, rather than complaining about my lyrical content, don't comment my songs. Not everyone wants to be a Canibus clone.

Damn.. all I was doing was stating my opinion, I didn't mean to offend. I can't understand how you can say my pieces don't have meaning in them. I've made pieces talking about my mental disorders, being rejected by my peers, cutting myself, so I've done many different emotional pieces. If you haven't seen them then I can understand, but if you have and you said these things out of anger then I find that to be very offensive. I put my heart into everything I do, don't make me feel like I'm just a cyborg that can rhyme. For the record, I wasn't complaining about your lyrical content, I was just saying that I've seen you do better lyrically. I may have come off badly but believe me that it was not my intention. Damn really I didn't expect to be treated this way from you, all I was trying was to help you.

[MC Anonymous]

ROFL at your awful review Anon. Unlike you, some people know that having complicated complex lyrics that make very little sense eliminates the ability to connect with the crowd. Nothing is cliche if it's true, and balancing the message and the lyrics is more important, look at 50 cents success for example.

I can take criticism if it came from a true lyricist that writes pieces that have meaning, like James or Poseidon for example, but not from someone who has a track record of pointless songs containing long words (which if people knew) make so little sense.

Do me a favor, unless you have some REAL criticism, rather than complaining about my lyrical content, don't comment my songs. Not everyone wants to be a Canibus clone.

Damn.. all I was doing was stating my opinion, I didn't mean to offend. I can't understand how you can say my pieces don't have meaning in them. I've made pieces talking about my mental disorders, being rejected by my peers, cutting myself, so I've done many different emotional pieces. If you haven't seen them then I can understand, but if you have and you said these things out of anger then I find that to be very offensive. I put my heart into everything I do, don't make me feel like I'm just a cyborg that can rhyme. For the record, I wasn't complaining about your lyrical content, I was just saying that I've seen you do better lyrically. I may have come off badly but believe me that it was not my intention. Damn really I didn't expect to be treated this way from you, all I was trying was to help you.

Excuse my honesty. Something cannot be considered "cliche" if it is true. Emotion and flow DO compensate for the lack of lyrical content, if you may, check in on "Toy Solider" one of Eminms greatest songs has the lyrics in simplicity yet is an impact. That song, as well as MANY others contain similar vibes and lines due to emotion only having several effective definitive approaches in the English language. If I wanted to have every one of my songs be a series of long words with the exact definition of much shorter, easier to understand words.. I would be FAKE and undermined by the countless fans seeking real music. Even Eminem's most complex song, even his top 5 "Till I collapse" does in fact EXPLODE with cliches and recycled material.

What aggravates me is most of you that give people "feedback" NO NOTHING of what Hip-Hop is and should be. The art started out as a club/party genre, and the developed in to a form of self expression. Not everyone has to write extremely hard to understand crap and call themselves a lyricist. Souljah Boy in that definition is a lyricist. Don't TELL ME what was wrong with my verse, instead, state your opinion, rather than make a blatant statement on a subject you know nothing about.

For the record (since you stated before that it was an opinion) not one thing you you said regarding cliche or underlying the base content of the verse could have been considered an "opinion" more you stating a fact.

I agree with you, I was out of line when giving my feedback and I apologize. I think it's because I look at other people's pieces as if I wrote them. So for now on I'll look at it from another perspective and maybe then I won't insult anybody. Especially you, you know how much respect I have for you.

I used the word cliche wrong, and I apologize. I didn't mean for it to spark anything and I hope we don't have beef or anything. ...

[MC Anonymous]

I agree with you, I was out of line when giving my feedback and I apologize. I think it's because I look at other people's pieces as if I wrote them. So for now on I'll look at it from another perspective and maybe then I won't insult anybody. Especially you, you know how much respect I have for you.

I used the word cliche wrong, and I apologize. I didn't mean for it to spark anything and I hope we don't have beef or anything. ...

No no no. I agree with most of your feeback, don't get me wrong. I'm not some prick that can't take "criticism". I just generally disagree with EVERYONE when it comes to cliche content. How can one's emotions be regarded as cliche? You know what I'm saying... The lyrical base of the song was not supposed to be too appealing to the metaphor seekers, but I take critisim that the first verse needs some work with content. That's cool.

But it's like me saying that Eminem's I'm A Soldier is cliche because he talks about shooting people, and guns, and lawyers suing, and crap that others have done 10 million time before and after him.

Yeah I see now that I shouldn't base things off of cliche shit because the earth has been around for millions of years. Text has been around for an estimate of 50,000 years I'll say, so everything in writing has been said one way or another. I said the wrong thing and as I said before I apologize. Never would want to offend you, you're my bro man