Just One.

[Solace]

Smoking weed, drinking liquor, poor guy coulda had a future,
Been shot at a couple times, his face streaked with suture
Deserted by his friends, too many problems he cannot mend,
Trying to fit in, simply trying to follow the local trend,
Liver destroyed, sick, dying, and no one even cares,
Nonexistent like an unborn baby, new clothes he cannot wear,
Past paved with carnage, and future painted with a void,
A person to avoid, even as a boy he didn't play with toys,
And it was his end, finally laying in a gloomy alley,
No one to tend to him, crying loud inside like a wolf howling.

[James R.]

It was a little short. I think you could have taken it a lot farther and developed the character and made a really interesting piece about him. But for what you have I like it. It needs closure I feel like, it's kinda bothering me lol. Flow and structure were cool, rhyming was good, but not great. Not many multies. Satisfactory vocab, but you didn't need to drop a dictionary and thesaurus with this so it's all good. Overall I like it, but I'd love to see this expanded.

[Solace]

It was a little short. I think you could have taken it a lot farther and developed the character and made a really interesting piece about him. But for what you have I like it. It needs closure I feel like, it's kinda bothering me lol. Flow and structure were cool, rhyming was good, but not great. Not many multies. Satisfactory vocab, but you didn't need to drop a dictionary and thesaurus with this so it's all good. Overall I like it, but I'd love to see this expanded.

Thanks for the good feed James, you always feed shit detailed. I'm happy you liked it, I won't continue it but I may have another piece similar.