Feel the magnet

[Purple23Haze]

Feel the magnet pulling you in?
The soul of your sin, holding in?
Soldiers spin, sometimes when they get hit!
You dropping a deuce and I aint said shit
Start the revolution, starting with the execution
Of the speech writers of The State of Union
Thats what the president should be doing
stop the looting, shooting, n polluting
We don’t need more cryptic crews in,
taking a blood oath all is dieing not just old folk
feel the pain bow, If holding heat aim slow
breathe, away it goes, getting blown
Though aim for a doe whats reaped is sown

[neversnooze]

your multies were good but seperate it with comma(,) to allow the reader a better understanding. the flow was ok until the ending , it got alittle off with "Oath" and "bow" but other than that it was ok.7/10

[neversnooze]

sorry i cant delete the extra post

[neversnooze]

sorry i cant delete the extra post

[neversnooze]

sorry i cant delete the extra post, if any mods can help me delete the extra posts i would appreciate it thank you

[mcZu]

Pretty good, lyrical content could have been better though. As for the flow, I agree with Neversnooze.It got shaky at some points, rhyme-pattern was not bad, but just above average. Overall I enjoyed reading it and the message was pretty clear. But try to look at what you write from a different angle and see if it fits you, if not, then try seeking for a geniune style, something that fits you entirely and not half way trough. Overall it's quite good