Like True Soldiers

[mceddie]

this is a verse and chorus i did over like toy soldiers, i just thought the concept and the music fit so perfect to what i wanted to do, such an emotional track, it was perfect.
this is for my pops.

look, now i could rap about how i grew up to be a gangsta startin trouble,
buryin bodies in holes that i digged with this shovel
but its just not like me, ima try be as real as i can with ya
i cant imagine my father dyin, you better believe that i would miss ya
i couldnt handle all those times you broke down and cried,
tellin me how if you ever lost me you would just die
no body else in my life has ever teared for me,
and like a fool everyday i put your emotions in jeapordy
cause im selfish, and you know, and you tell me all the time,
you just dont want me to go the same route you did and live a life of crime
i understand, and i appreciate what you do for me
dont think that i don't just cause my fat ass is lazy
and dont think for one second i ever took your anger to heart
i would never let a few angry words tear us apart
cause you dont know it yet, but to me you're everything
and when you're gone, i cant even imagine the sting
of it all when i wallow in my sorrow
rememberin the pops i have today could be gone tomorrow
who said real men dont cry,
my pops is the biggest man i know, no lie
i might be a dissapointment to him but he never dissapointed
its not my fault my whole life ive been so disoriented
so where do i go from here?
i just told the world my biggest fear
no secrets its all out
just the thought of it makes me want to shout
with out you im not even half the man i am
and to be honest, i wouldnt qualify to be a man
i need you, see you the best in me
i wouldnt be able to bare the pain of you leavin me


step by step, march by march
left right left were
goin goin, gone
like true soldiers

bit by bit, part by part
sooner or later well be
torn apart
like true soldiers

[mceddie]

67 views, no opinions?

[gutawafang]

I think the flow is not that good. I can't really rap to Like Toy Soldiers beat.

And the difficult part is that it lacks multis.

[neversnooze]

well, this piece shows emotion and the flow decreases as you read from top to bottom. multies were on and off and back on and then off, like a pattern. try to keep same amount of syllables in each line or atleast have a close number of words in each line. I liked your idea and the whole different concept to "like toy soldiers", it was some what interesting.

FUTURE ADVICE,
it takes alot practice bro, just keep it up

[mceddie]

thanks for the advice guys. still learning.