Fat Fuck - Finished version

[D'Leh]

just finis writing this song, and i im gonna to record it tomorrow at my uncles house so in this week im gonna post it in the forum......thanks!

Fat Fuck

Verse 1
Listen close to the shit im about to tell
me and a fat chick fuckin in a room hotel
big booty on my dick, yeah!is round as hell
nut that fat ass is makin my cock just break
i met her in Da Club, but not 50's one
only fat girls, big tits, grand pusyy, BOUM!!!
she check on me 1, twice, man i've to fuck her now
she smiles me, but is ugly as Krusty' Clown
no disrespect to you krusty, but i've to puke now

that round big ass walked with me and stock me in the bath
Shes' like cmon skinny boy stick that dick in my ass
mmm no honey i'll guess i pass.,nah lets go fuck that ass
let met tell you ill fuck you, but once not twice
fell that ass up wwith a little of rice, Pshyke
maybe i like fat chicks, shit fuck.i cant deny
im gonna masturbate with this song, its mine.

Chorus.
Fat fuck fat fuck, a good ass fat fuck
Fat fuck fat fuck, round big ass butt butt(x2)

Verse 2
With the chick still following me, we hit the crib
The first thing she’s askin “where are the ribs?”
She’s Eating like a fuckin Nasty filty BITCH!
She says “nice fuck but let me give you a little tip”
Just trying to stick that cock, just a little bit, CRACK!
Was the sound, and she fuckin broke my dick
You fat cunt, just no gimme any more tips
The last thing ocureed, shit a cought a dis-
Sease, Honey i think we have to cease,
Im a good man but , just hit her with a brick
She’s near dead but the ass is still out there
Spitting all kind of cocks, ribs and stinkin bread, CRAP!
I just tell, that my penis, is so frikin full of crabs

Chorus.
Fat fuck fat fuck, a good ass fat fuck
Fat fuck fat fuck, round big ass butt butt(x2)

Outro.
Its just me? Or thatt bitch is dead in my floor?

[D'Leh]

anyone???

[BILI]

lol...its ok....funny actually

[TheWeirdoIsBack]

Okay, honest opinion.

I think the song idea is pretty funny. But, the flow, rhymes, structure, and everything else was just really messy. You kinda stated the same ideas throughout the whole song, and it was funny at first, but you could do a lot better. Just keep writing and practicing and you'll be a hell of a lot better, trust me.

[D'Leh]

thanks man...is my forst song of all so ill keep writing and lets hjope it gets better

[mcZu]

Work on your vocabulary, reading the dictionary might help. Try to use some multies, and focus on a smooth-good-flowing rhymescheme/structure. The concept was funny, but you have to work on your rhymes. And after that, maybe you can try out some wordplay, nameplat, etc.

Just keep on writing, you'll improve

[D'Leh]

thanks man...the thing is im fron another country so it can be difficult to me sometimes -... thanks!!

[BILI]

thanks man...the thing is im fron another country so it can be difficult to me sometimes -... thanks!!

yeah same problem here(English is not my main language)

[D'Leh]

thanks man...the thing is im fron another country so it can be difficult to me sometimes -... thanks!!

yeah same problem here(English is not my main language)

so using multies and shit like that its a problem for us

[mcZu]

Neither is mine; but that shouldn't be a problem, learning it isn't hard.

[Solace]

If you're trying to be funny shouldnt this go to the comedy crib or something?

Work on something serious dude. You have potential.