In darkness... (Feedback appreciated)

[Relapse.LP]

Raised in darkness my whole life, from the cradle to the damn grave/
Hospital days were the worst; my mom was in unimaginable pain/
From that point on, weak as hell... she developed a sickness/
Ill as fuck; she sometimes screamed; it was some fucking sick shit/
Her health slowly drained away; my only comfort was my girlfriend/
She seemed to always understand my life 'till she moved to Ireland/
Dark days then followed as I moved slowly forward in life in deep sorrow/
My mom could barely open her eyes now; always wrapped in sheets borrowed/

Dad was fucking hooked on beer... always came home real late drunk/
One time, he beat me so badly I was in tears and pain... fuck/
Then, one day, my mother passed away and it was fucking devastating/
If I could give my life a score one to ten, to hell with the fucking rating/
It goes like this: Wednesday night was the day I got my jaw broken/
Thursday morning, feeling better... until I remembered my dad was an alcoholic/
When I came home from school Thursday afternoon, I forgot to do the dishes/
My dad took it to another level, screamed "You're worse than my wife, bitch"... shit/

Grew up without any friends isolated from the rest of society/
Thought about death... thought about living... fuck, suicide might be/
Only solution to all this bullshit; ran to the kitchen, clutched the knife/
The bathroom floor was stained crimson with my blood; fuck my life/
Right then, the door slammed; I knew immediately my dad had come home/
Made a break for my bedroom and the locked the shit after I slammed the door/
Heard a laugh echo like Satan was coming to take me to hell, where I think I belong/
Some shit banging, glass breaking, my dad was fucking crazy; heard him sing a song/

On my bed I sat there silently; pondering what was in for me this night/
Would it end up with my face bashed in or would I take it to a fist-fight.../
Couldn't let him control me like this... who the fuck does he think he is?/
The more I thought about it the angrier I got; where was he when I was a fetus?/
Probably fucking other girls, drunk; opened the door and went down the stairs/
Saw him snoring on the couch, grabbed my knife again... I no longer cared/
Raised it above my head high, looked upon his sleeping body carefully/
Saw him as a person and I remembered I was his son... I put it down faithfully/

That night, I fucked up so fuck emotions; I knew God was probably smiling/
After setting down the blade, my dad woke up with a start; caught my eyeing/
Then saw the knife, picked the shit up and pounced on me with a yell and cursing/
Stabbed me several times in the leg... blood everywhere; he would show hell no mercy/
Shrieked in agony not that it would matter; I think I felt my leg getting ripped off/
With a grunt, he stuck the knife with a laugh into my chest and pulled the shit out/
Rose-like stains on my chest... my vision was going blind... saw the face of Death/
Feelings whirled through me, incomprehensible... said "I love you dad" with my final breath/

Saw his eyes suddenly go clear... I was dying... I saw my dad finally seeing fear/
My father dropped the knife with a clang and stared at me leaking a tear/
Shook me, yelling for me to fucking get up; he wouldn't let me die like this... he was crying/
Shit... asked me why I loved him after all the bullshit he inflicted; he thought I was lying/
I couldn't understand myself why I said that; it's not like my dad ever gave a fuck/
About my life or my mom's... he didn't attend her funeral; no coincidence or fake luck/
As my heart slowly started to stop I saw angels above me... I knew now what the key was/
My confused father looked wildly at my closing eyes... "Dad, just believe in Jesus."

Feedback please. I was just practicing my story telling skills... I didn't really give a fuck about complex rhyme schemes or shit. I have too much of that in some other posts.

[classthe_king]

Pretty good i thought, good story telling. Was all this true?

[Fa-Q]

Some pretty deep shit...-m glad you didn't focus too hard on the lyrics but still had dope word play while keeping the message....good drop man and welcome back from the banning lol

[Yah-hah]

I always love the story telling man. So dope man seriously. imagine atmosphere or immortal tecnique commin up with some crazy stuff like that. Mad props homie

[Relapse.LP]

Pretty good i thought, good story telling. Was all this true?

Maybe.

Thanks for the feedback.