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Fuck Love (Feedback please)

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Fuck Love (Feedback please)

Postby Relapse.LP » Oct 12th, '09, 03:40

Written in the perspective of a girl for convenience purposes...

He lived a lifestyle of drug abuse and always runnin' from the cops/
A tough person with an attitude; always gunnin' with his glock/
I didn't think, at the time I met him, he'd be capable of affection/
And if he loved someone... it wouldn't be me; I was damn far from perfection/
Met him at a mall, he was alone; sitting there staring out onto the streets/
Asked him for directions... he looked at me without glaring, without deceit/
Gave me the directions, then met my eyes slowly but unwaveringly calm/
Sounds corny now that I look back at this... he wrote his number in my palm/

Thus, from that day on, began our long and complicated relationship/
We fought often; once we were walking and his wallet fell into a drain/
Furious that his cash and credit was gone he screamed, "Why didn't you save it, bitch?"/
Struck me so hard on the face for days it stung like hell from the pain/
But I wouldn't leave him... couldn't leave him... he alone gave my life meaning/
Since my mom was an alcoholic and my dad left when I came into my being/
Without a second complaint, I would often accompany him on his various missions/
Given to him by his gang; it was dangerous, but I wasn't one to be bitchin'/

I was sure he loved me, of course, since every night he would cradle me in his arms/
Sometimes, we would walk to the nearby park and stay there watchin' stars/
His arm wrapped around me and he flipped me over so we were face-to-face looking/
I could see the anguish of his life in his eyes... I saddened; he saw it and shook me/
"What's wrong, baby?"... he asked. "Don't you ever get tired of this?" I sighed/
He flipped me back onto the cold grass, but still lying quietly by my side/
"I don't really know why I'm living anymore... It seems pointless sometimes" he replied/
"But no matter what happens..." he paused for a moment. "You'll always forever be mine"/

Years passed; our love blossomed, but still it seemed there was a mental blockage/
Between us, blocking me to understanding him truly... perhaps he was mockin'/
He took me to a restaurant overlooking the sea and right there proposed/
My heart grew warm as I looked at his eyes searchingly... but no emotion showed/
It was strange right there, because I couldn't come to a my decision/
He was on one knee, waiting for my response; ears open; eyes listenin'/
I opened my mouth slowly... but then I heard a loud police siren blare/
The restaurant seemingly jumped... I looked for my love, but he wasn't there/

Saw him sprinting for the door and motioned me impatiently to follow/
At that immediate moment, there was no time for sadness, no time for sorrow/
Together, hand in hand, we ran through the streets, the cops at our heels/
I was scared as fuck... his hands were so cold... I knew how true fear feels/
Then, heard a cop yell, "Stop right there, motherfucker, or we shoot!" He didn't pause./
Merciless gunshots around us, caught me in the leg, but he kept running without a frikkin' cause/
Blue officers appeared in front of us, both armed each, with a team of black pistols/
I felt them saying "Freeze" before I heard them say it... saw the gleam of the Mac's metal/

My love never broke a stride; I thought we would go to jail that very moment/
The policemen opened fire in the alley... my head was whirling with strange emotions/
What was my boyfriend thinking?, I thought, as we ran directly into the two cops/
But then, a moment of clarity... he grabbed me and pushed me, forcing me to take the two shots/
Confused the policemen... and he knocked them down coldly with quick blows/
Blood flowed freely from my chest wounds as I fell onto the cold alley sick floor/
Heaving, my heart was breaking, both physically and mentally, I loved him and he betrayed me/
The last moments of my life... a strange thought came... Dear my husband, I wonder can you save me?/

Feedback please. This was, again, a focus on story-telling rather than complex lyricism or wordplay. :b:
Yo, from the first to the last of it; delivery is passionate/
The whole and not the half of it; vocab and not the math of it/
Projectile that them blasted with; accurate assassin shit/
Me and Kweli close like... Bethlehem and Nazareth/


-Black Star, Definition

Live free. Die hard.
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Re: Fuck Love (Feedback please)

Postby Yah-hah » Oct 12th, '09, 03:52

....dude that was insane. I am really hardcore diggin these new story drops you been comin with. It just works with your style man you be killin it. Nice concept with the change in perspectives man real clever. Look forward to seein wat you come up with next. :worship: :worship:
Image

"Red hand I use to reach deep in my dark quiver,
Arrow so big the fuckin bones in ya arm splinter
Fuckin crazy I'll stick my hand throgh ya hearts center,
With sharp scissors the words Native Pride gets carved in her,
"-Yah-hah

Trimss wrote:Your dog is cute, your tattoo fucking rocks, you can fight and your baby have a big dick.
Your life is cool bro lol :y:


Nundea Mekeze comin soon May 4th
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Yah-hah
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Re: Fuck Love (Feedback please)

Postby Relapse.LP » Oct 12th, '09, 03:58

Yah-hah wrote:....dude that was insane. I am really hardcore diggin these new story drops you been comin with. It just works with your style man you be killin it. Nice concept with the change in perspectives man real clever. Look forward to seein wat you come up with next. :worship: :worship:


Thanks a lot! Twisted stories seem to appeal to the audience. :shifty:
Yo, from the first to the last of it; delivery is passionate/
The whole and not the half of it; vocab and not the math of it/
Projectile that them blasted with; accurate assassin shit/
Me and Kweli close like... Bethlehem and Nazareth/


-Black Star, Definition

Live free. Die hard.
User avatar
Relapse.LP
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2887
Joined: Apr 14th, '09, 02:34
Location: The Bay Area
Gender: Male

Re: Fuck Love (Feedback please)

Postby Yah-hah » Oct 12th, '09, 04:15

da.relapse.lp wrote:
Yah-hah wrote:....dude that was insane. I am really hardcore diggin these new story drops you been comin with. It just works with your style man you be killin it. Nice concept with the change in perspectives man real clever. Look forward to seein wat you come up with next. :worship: :worship:


Thanks a lot! Twisted stories seem to appeal to the audience. :shifty:


Yeah I don't know why. On some dance with the devil tip :8)
Image

"Red hand I use to reach deep in my dark quiver,
Arrow so big the fuckin bones in ya arm splinter
Fuckin crazy I'll stick my hand throgh ya hearts center,
With sharp scissors the words Native Pride gets carved in her,
"-Yah-hah

Trimss wrote:Your dog is cute, your tattoo fucking rocks, you can fight and your baby have a big dick.
Your life is cool bro lol :y:


Nundea Mekeze comin soon May 4th
User avatar
Yah-hah
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2724
Joined: Jun 7th, '09, 09:25
Location: El Dorado, Kansas USA
Gender: Male

Re: Fuck Love (Feedback please)

Postby Relapse.LP » Oct 12th, '09, 06:02

Yah-hah wrote:
da.relapse.lp wrote:
Yah-hah wrote:....dude that was insane. I am really hardcore diggin these new story drops you been comin with. It just works with your style man you be killin it. Nice concept with the change in perspectives man real clever. Look forward to seein wat you come up with next. :worship: :worship:


Thanks a lot! Twisted stories seem to appeal to the audience. :shifty:


Yeah I don't know why. On some dance with the devil tip :8)


Maybe we're all going crazy. :whistle:

Feedbackkk.
Yo, from the first to the last of it; delivery is passionate/
The whole and not the half of it; vocab and not the math of it/
Projectile that them blasted with; accurate assassin shit/
Me and Kweli close like... Bethlehem and Nazareth/


-Black Star, Definition

Live free. Die hard.
User avatar
Relapse.LP
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2887
Joined: Apr 14th, '09, 02:34
Location: The Bay Area
Gender: Male


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