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God's Laughing Sometimes (FEEDBACK PLEASE)

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God's Laughing Sometimes (FEEDBACK PLEASE)

Postby Relapse.LP » Oct 14th, '09, 01:11

Written again in the perspective of a girl similar to "Fuck Love" for convenience purposes...

Raised in the farmlands away from the modern technology and urban buildings/
A distant home in the middle of nowhere... isolated from robberies, murders, killings/
Had a twin sister named Emma: she was my only friend in the stretches of grass fields, see/
Both of us had only each other for comfort; it would sometimes give me sad feelings/
Our mom had passed away giving birth to us; our dad was a major drug addict/
Unstable physically and mentally... would break shit and never know what happened/
Could barely pay the house mortgage so we couldn't go to school; working crops/
To support our poor lifestyle; dad never worked... we were stuck in a burning pot/

One afternoon, we had laid down our farm tools and leaned against the barn tiredly/
Heard our dad call for us... went inside and I saw my dad's crazy eyes that desired me/
High as fuck of course, but only hearing demons inside his druggy mind/
Ripped my farm clothes off in a wild motion and had me fucked... I cried/
Emma was next and without brief hesitation, throwing me to the ground in shame/
Had my sister's virginity ripped in shreds like paper and she was pounded the same/
As night fell, we sobbed in misery in each others arms; tears flooded the floor/
Wished we lived another life... probably hell would be better; we're muddy and torn/

The horrible raping continued for weeks on straight... we couldn't let this continue/
Plotted against our drunk and high father for many long nights to stop this "fun" abuse/
The day came when, in a streak of unexplained anger, our dad beat us 'till we bled/
Kitchen floor blotched with streaks of blood... hurt like hell so we both fled/
Across the fields of poppy and the golden waves of corn, we ran in terror and sour fear/
Cocaine does a lot to a sane man; made our only parent not see his error and our tears/
Made it probably a mile or two away from our little farmhouse and we sure did stop/
Furious as hell, we discussed our plan, and headed back quickly, but with a nervous trot/

After walking for a brief while, I looked around and didn't see Emma/
Where the hell had she gone in the minute or two... I was fed up/
And yelled "Forget it, I'll handle this on my own..." and finished the stroll back home.../

Made it back in an hour or so; the house was silent as the grave and pitch black/
Lights all off... I grabbed the sickle I had took from the warehouse; heard a "tick-tack"/
Sounded like scraping; opening the front door it gave a creak and entered/
Blood covering the walls and furniture; fuck... my dad was a freak and centered/
In the middle of the living room, a knife tearing up my deceased sister's body apart/
Torn-open lungs and kidneys seemingly everywhere; he looked up and caught me afar/
Smiled sickly and lunged for me with the knife outstretched; stabbed and missed/
I had jumped out of the way, raising the sickle to give him a long goodnight kiss/

Gave a twisted chuckle and sprinted towards me with eyes redder than Satan/
Barely had time to dodge; the sickle clattered to the ground... I almost fainted/
Instinctively, he picked the sickle up and shook his head at his cornered prey/
Couldn't believe Emma was dead... I was alone in hell and yes, I sure did pray/
Asked "Why'd you kill my sister" His eyes became confused... "You never had a sibling"/
The world flipped sideways with his knife still at my throat; my blood dripping/
Living a fucked-up life... raped alone... no friends... talking to someone who never existed/
A drunk dad... no mother... alone in this dark farmhouse... fuck, the world was ever twisted/

Anger built up like the devil's furnace and my dad's hands were slightly more gentle/
Kicked him as fucking hard as I could with new-found extra power, body and mental/
Looked again at the cut-up body... it was the figure of my ten-year dead mother/
Then at my dad, who's eyes had lost its crimson... fuck that faggot; never loved her/
Grabbed the sickle from his hands roughly and brought it down with vengeance/
Blood splattered the room like paint and from his broken neck I spotted a pendant/
Read it: "Rest in peace, Mary"... my mother was named Mary; I tossed it away/
Stuck the sickle in his dead body like a victory flag and, hands in pockets, walked away/

FEEDBACK WOULD BE MUCH APPRECIATED... As usual, a focus on story-telling than complex rhyme schemes. The ending kind of signifies her change in personality, by the way. :b:
Yo, from the first to the last of it; delivery is passionate/
The whole and not the half of it; vocab and not the math of it/
Projectile that them blasted with; accurate assassin shit/
Me and Kweli close like... Bethlehem and Nazareth/


-Black Star, Definition

Live free. Die hard.
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Re: God's Laughing Sometimes (FEEDBACK PLEASE)

Postby Yah-hah » Oct 14th, '09, 03:45

WOAH sickness and pure dope as usual dude
raising the sickle to give him a long goodnight kiss/
sick dude so sick keep it up homie
Image

"Red hand I use to reach deep in my dark quiver,
Arrow so big the fuckin bones in ya arm splinter
Fuckin crazy I'll stick my hand throgh ya hearts center,
With sharp scissors the words Native Pride gets carved in her,
"-Yah-hah

Trimss wrote:Your dog is cute, your tattoo fucking rocks, you can fight and your baby have a big dick.
Your life is cool bro lol :y:


Nundea Mekeze comin soon May 4th
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