My first rap ever

[MCyobi]

I`m walking down this fuckin dark alley
Girl comes toward me,I think her name was Kelly
I took my fuckin knife and stab her in her belly
While she was doin belly dance 2 a song from Nelly
And then after few minutes comes a father and a son
Took my gun,shoot at them few times and they started 2 run
Few bullets missed them,but one shoot kid in a head
Father was crying,I was laughing and kid laid dead

[Almostlity]

lmao wtf xD

[shabbymind]

LOOOOL

I had never seen that much of a bitter,
If rap is your mother you are a baby doing his teeth
They say its a game doesnt mean that you need to cheat
Talking about stabbing kelly in her belly
Just try getting on a stage and spit your wahcky shit , are you willing
Dont give this guy any pen cuz he writting thrillers
Look at what he did he filled a pad all with letters
And took all his courage to post his 1st ever rap
Tought we`d give you props, you suck and like Drake this is the best youll ever had
Now i know your gonna write back
let me guess 1 punch line a mother and 3 pedestrian killed gonna be the outcome
completly missing it your rap is sincerly missing ink, senseless leaving us all like how come
Be aware of the Jungle irs X rated Rap is An X Game it can get you killed talking like Malcom

[Big Proof 4ever]

LOOOOL

I had never seen that much of a bitter,
If rap is your mother you are a baby doing his teeth
They say its a game doesnt mean that you need to cheat
Talking about stabbing kelly in her belly
Just try getting on a stage and spit your wahcky shit , are you willing
Dont give this guy any pen cuz he writting thrillers
Look at what he did he filled a pad all with letters
And took all his courage to post his 1st ever rap
Tought we`d give you props, you suck and like Drake this is the best youll ever had
Now i know your gonna write back
let me guess 1 punch line a mother and 3 pedestrian killed gonna be the outcome
completly missing it your rap is sincerly missing ink, senseless leaving us all like how come
Be aware of the Jungle irs X rated Rap is An X Game it can get you killed talking like Malcom

that was very good mate

[Emadyville]

this was just awkward

[BILI]

I`m walking down this fuckin dark alley
Girl comes toward me,I think her name was Kelly
I took my fuckin knife and stab her in her belly
While she was doin belly dance 2 a song from Nelly
And then after few minutes comes a father and a son
Took my gun,shoot at them few times and they started 2 run
Few bullets missed them,but one shoot kid in a head
Father was crying,I was laughing and kid laid dead

Ok its not that good
It had flow,structure is good and thats it,rhymes are really simple and shit
just keep writtin,you`ll get better
And you guys dont be assholes,this is his first time,he just started 2 listen 2 rap,and he is much younger then you guys ,give him some hints and shit,smh

[shabbymind]

I`m walking down this fuckin dark alley
Girl comes toward me,I think her name was Kelly
I took my fuckin knife and stab her in her belly
While she was doin belly dance 2 a song from Nelly
And then after few minutes comes a father and a son
Took my gun,shoot at them few times and they started 2 run
Few bullets missed them,but one shoot kid in a head
Father was crying,I was laughing and kid laid dead

Greatness, you post litlle, so skitzo brain troubled
Guess what, you get tickled,ill poke you will jiggle
Sorry my sucker hate is aiming at you
The only flow you have stays in the bathroom
I know your mad cuz i would be mad too
Make the right wish when you will ATCHOUUUU
thats the only chance you will get to beat me dont let it pass you
Back on My creatine flow and it is making me laugh
They shouldve let me know before suscribing that id get to rap into a Donk Zoo
Plus this kid have nuts problem just like Phil kessel
I tried really hard but there nothing out of your post the we can extol
This is Shade 45 fan post forum, stop insultin the legend quit this is just for us
and i promise not taking anything foward i will let this just be what it should just floor dust
So to all of my Shade soldiers, i will just holla

[eminemgirl1234]

alright.

[shabbymind]

N o hate..keep writing i just just feeling like droppimg some lines ahaha


the only hint i can really give you that will help you...keep on writing....

[BILI]

N o hate..keep writing i just just feeling like droppimg some lines ahaha


the only hint i can really give you that will help you...keep on writing....

Yeah thats the spirit
and man welcome 2 forum

[shabbymind]

But umm... true to say that we shouldnt go and say....your..sh was ht..that it you got it...


i feel like encouraging propsect but they have to be open to critics...

i mean we all get critized...and i feel like the more you can take the best out of critics the best you will get

[Solace]

MCyobi, that was actually very good for a first time. It was horrid, but it was good for a first time. You even had a multi-syllable rhyme in there, (started to run, father and son) and you had an internal rhyme (4th line). And you actually rhymed...You have a good start here.

[shabbymind]

MCyobi, that was actually very good for a first time. It was horrid, but it was good for a first time. You even had a multi-syllable rhyme in there, (started to run, father and son) and you had an internal rhyme (4th line). And you actually rhymed...You have a good start here.

yeah true true... i should ve gave more help lol..sorry for that

[Dark Blue]

wtf is that lmao i thought it was pretty funny tho getting stabbed while dancing

[gutawafang]

multis.