The TRshady Forum became read-only in December 2014. The 10 year history will live on, in this archive.
Continue the discussion with the new home for the Eminem and Hip Hop discussion: HipHopShelter.com.
Board index ‹ Creative Central ‹ Creative Writing ‹ I`m gone

I`m gone

Want to share a poem, story or a moving article? Share creative literature text here.
Post a reply

I`m gone

Postby BILI » Oct 24th, '09, 16:55

Ok,here we go,I`m bringing this new rap to the game
Its crazy now that I came,it`ll never be the same
I`m just a lunatic standing in front of this mic
Spittin some shit,and not givin fuck if you like
It or not,see this rap is all that I fuckin got
So dont fuck wit me or you`ll get fuckin shot
I`m just a killer wit some insane rhymes
Totally fucked up,and my fuckin brain aint fine
I just spit crazy lines,and I dont have 2 explain main
Rhymes,they hurt you and you know its pain time
And I slow that time,like I`m fuckin Max Payne
This track`s insane,and it impacts McCain`s campaign
But really I just sit in my room,tryin 2 feel 2 Pac` pain
:whistle:
Image
User avatar
BILI
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 9998
Joined: Mar 26th, '09, 16:05
Location: Croatia
Gender: Male
Top

Re: I`m gone

Postby eminemgirl1234 » Oct 24th, '09, 17:23

No comment. :sweating:
User avatar
eminemgirl1234
Trailer Trash
Trailer Trash
 
Posts: 481
Joined: Sep 2nd, '09, 15:31
Location: Hillbillyville, AL. known as Mobile... :-(
Gender: Female
Top

Re: I`m gone

Postby BILI » Oct 24th, '09, 17:28

eminemgirl1234 wrote:No comment. :sweating:

and why is that? :unsure:
Image
User avatar
BILI
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 9998
Joined: Mar 26th, '09, 16:05
Location: Croatia
Gender: Male
Top

Re: I`m gone

Postby eminemgirl1234 » Oct 24th, '09, 17:31

BILI wrote:
eminemgirl1234 wrote:No comment. :sweating:

and why is that? :unsure:


Are you asking me why...'cause, I'm scared to tell you how I feel...
"Sometimes I feel so alone,
I just don't know, feels like I been down this road before.
So lonely and cold, it's like something takes over me,
soon as I go home and close the door.
Kinda feels like Déjà Vu, I wanna get away from this place I do,
but I can't and I wont say I tried but I know that's a lie cuz I don't,
and why I just don't know...

Malina a.k.a Mickey

"Ignorance is your new best friend!"-Paramore
User avatar
eminemgirl1234
Trailer Trash
Trailer Trash
 
Posts: 481
Joined: Sep 2nd, '09, 15:31
Location: Hillbillyville, AL. known as Mobile... :-(
Gender: Female
Top

Re: I`m gone

Postby BILI » Oct 24th, '09, 18:05

eminemgirl1234 wrote:
BILI wrote:
eminemgirl1234 wrote:No comment. :sweating:

and why is that? :unsure:


Are you asking me why...'cause, I'm scared to tell you how I feel...

dude wtf is wrong wit you
any normal feed?
Image
User avatar
BILI
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 9998
Joined: Mar 26th, '09, 16:05
Location: Croatia
Gender: Male
Top

Re: I`m gone

Postby eminemgirl1234 » Oct 24th, '09, 18:07

Ok, I'm sorry! :angry: You suck! Shit! Alright! You fucking suck ass! Shit! :angry:
"Sometimes I feel so alone,
I just don't know, feels like I been down this road before.
So lonely and cold, it's like something takes over me,
soon as I go home and close the door.
Kinda feels like Déjà Vu, I wanna get away from this place I do,
but I can't and I wont say I tried but I know that's a lie cuz I don't,
and why I just don't know...

Malina a.k.a Mickey

"Ignorance is your new best friend!"-Paramore
User avatar
eminemgirl1234
Trailer Trash
Trailer Trash
 
Posts: 481
Joined: Sep 2nd, '09, 15:31
Location: Hillbillyville, AL. known as Mobile... :-(
Gender: Female
Top

Re: I`m gone

Postby BILI » Oct 24th, '09, 19:09

eminemgirl1234 wrote:Ok, I'm sorry! :angry: You suck! Shit! Alright! You fucking suck ass! Shit! :angry:

boy why didnt you said so in your first post :)
Image
User avatar
BILI
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 9998
Joined: Mar 26th, '09, 16:05
Location: Croatia
Gender: Male
Top

Re: I`m gone

Postby Solace » Oct 24th, '09, 19:18

^Lmfao

Not your best BILI, definitely not. On this I'd say I'd have wanted more multies. Flow was alright, but the topic is sort of played out "Im a crazy killer with rhymes and this is my 1 shot" kinda thing is cliche but it could have been pulled off a lot better too. Keep at it.
Image
User avatar
Solace
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 19901
Joined: Apr 25th, '08, 03:12
Gender: Male
Top

Re: I`m gone

Postby BILI » Oct 24th, '09, 19:22

Solace wrote:^Lmfao

Not your best BILI, definitely not. On this I'd say I'd have wanted more multies. Flow was alright, but the topic is sort of played out "Im a crazy killer with rhymes and this is my 1 shot" kinda thing is cliche but it could have been pulled off a lot better too. Keep at it.

thx for the feed homie ;)
Image
User avatar
BILI
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 9998
Joined: Mar 26th, '09, 16:05
Location: Croatia
Gender: Male
Top

Re: I`m gone

Postby classthe_king » Oct 24th, '09, 19:34

Pretty much the same as solace. You really need to work on putting multi's in there, maybe some internal's and some wordplay and punches. You don't have really any lines that stand out.
You think your personal attacks make up for what you lack?
User avatar
classthe_king
Addict
Addict
 
Posts: 14163
Joined: Feb 12th, '09, 02:30
Location: Ohio
Gender: Male
Top

Re: I`m gone

Postby gutawafang » Oct 26th, '09, 09:56

word to krayzy.

imo, you done better shit man. i know you breaking out of writer's block. :unsure:

i look forward to a better verse. this verse is quite boring and the last few lines were pretty random.

I'm just being honest man, no hate. Keep dropping. :flower:
ADD ME ON PS4: gutawafang
Currently playing: Destiny
Image
TR Rap Battle Record: 23-8
User avatar
gutawafang
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 9474
Joined: Dec 13th, '07, 08:01
Location: Lion City
Gender: Male
Top

Re: I`m gone

Postby BILI » Oct 26th, '09, 10:06

^thx for the fed guys,yeah I`ve been kinda whack lately :(
Image
User avatar
BILI
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 9998
Joined: Mar 26th, '09, 16:05
Location: Croatia
Gender: Male
Top

Re: I`m gone

Postby eminemgirl1234 » Oct 26th, '09, 15:51

BILI wrote:
eminemgirl1234 wrote:Ok, I'm sorry! :angry: You suck! Shit! Alright! You fucking suck ass! Shit! :angry:

boy why didnt you said so in your first post :)


I didn't want to hurt your feelings... Like, I'm not like that at all, and I'm sorry if I offened you. :(
"Sometimes I feel so alone,
I just don't know, feels like I been down this road before.
So lonely and cold, it's like something takes over me,
soon as I go home and close the door.
Kinda feels like Déjà Vu, I wanna get away from this place I do,
but I can't and I wont say I tried but I know that's a lie cuz I don't,
and why I just don't know...

Malina a.k.a Mickey

"Ignorance is your new best friend!"-Paramore
User avatar
eminemgirl1234
Trailer Trash
Trailer Trash
 
Posts: 481
Joined: Sep 2nd, '09, 15:31
Location: Hillbillyville, AL. known as Mobile... :-(
Gender: Female
Top
Post a reply

Return to Creative Writing



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users

Designed by Zoom dinosaurs
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group
cron