New Verse

[Xray]

Their on an fightin, lightin
torchin, firin, silence.
Sirens, silent, keepin violent -
assignments hirin, tirin.
Leaders keepin rock as iron -
minors, infants cryin.
Layin, their lyin
nobody knows who's really fuckin diein
their diein.
News just keep on goin, blowin, bull at you an -
you don't know it, you can't deny it.
But really poverty is risin, killin, makin mercenaries -
Africa and Asia, while celebrities are smilin,
laughin adoptin children.
If your sorry why adopt one -
when you can help out a dozen.
I'm buggin
I'm fuckin
sick of
my life an.
Put me in a cell, rip your kneck off like in hell
cause-I'm-already-imprisoned.
This freedom don't mean shit to me
this bean don't mean any jack to me.
How the fuck could you call this dump any free
if we pay for whatever by vein or fee?
Chained in a home with a phone and a bill
entertained in a foam with a coal and a light.
Fuck free will I'ma die with a fight
....with a fight.
Cause this motherfucker will survive and spark a cry.

I fucked with the structure so you can get a feel of how I flow it exactly. So mind the structure, and when theres an - means the flow goes on. Will return feed if you want me to.

[BILI]

This is a really good drop,nice rhymes,and I flowed pretty good 2,I get the structure ,that beginning is dope
I liked this part

But really poverty is risin, killin, makin mercenaries -
Africa and Asia, while celebrities are smilin,
laughin adoptin children.
If your sorry why adopt one -
when you can help out a dozen.

It shows how it really is wit that poor kids
overall dope drop

If you wanna return feed:
viewtopic.php?f=24&t=71752
or if you want check this collab:
viewtopic.php?f=24&t=71706
I`ll appreciate it man

[Xray]

Thanks for the feed peeps. I left feed to your solo track, I'll peep your collab later.

[mcZu]

Flow is impressive with such a structure, content is meaningfull yet has that ''I'ma stay true to the streets'' ring. Multies and the rhyme scheme are on point, usage of vocabulary is okay and the way you phrased and painted some scenes with certain words is great. Overall, I like it, only complaint I can spot right now, is the lack of lyrical complexity, which is not a big deal, though that would have made it perfect. Cam't wait to hear this shit on wax.

[SajN]

Flow is impressive with such a structure, content is meaningfull yet has that ''I'ma stay true to the streets'' ring. Multies and the rhyme scheme are on point, usage of vocabulary is okay and the way you phrased and painted some scenes with certain words is great. Overall, I like it, only complaint I can spot right now, is the lack of lyrical complexity, which is not a big deal, though that would have made it perfect. Cam't wait to hear this shit on wax.

Can't*

[mcZu]

Flow is impressive with such a structure, content is meaningfull yet has that ''I'ma stay true to the streets'' ring. Multies and the rhyme scheme are on point, usage of vocabulary is okay and the way you phrased and painted some scenes with certain words is great. Overall, I like it, only complaint I can spot right now, is the lack of lyrical complexity, which is not a big deal, though that would have made it perfect. Cam't wait to hear this shit on wax.

Can't*

It's a freaking typo Thanks for pointing out, though.

[classthe_king]

that was nuts dude, this would sound crazy rapped.

[Xray]

Thanks for the feed.

[gutawafang]

yeah, it's like a tongue twister man. crazy dope.

[Spyder]

i liked it man
i flowed to it great with the short structure
and no uneeded words

[AliJack]

it's they're, not their, and dying, not dieing.

but nice verse, i see what u did with the structure, i actually enjoyed this one.

Its gonna sound the same in audio, and we got his point anyway.

I didn't know you was like this Sajjad, thought it was all about lookin' out for number one, props.