Nimbus - 10 Bars

[Nimbus_9]

i don't write to much but earlier i posted in the multi cypher and it inspired me to do 10 bars just to introduce myself, please tell me what you think and how i could better myself

Insane, abusive, excavate with a spade into skin, get under your nerves
running in spurs, at speeds equivalent to mach 3, cutting the earth

Words in a Bunsen to burn, something too cunning to vs.
Chester Taylors, you’ll go from the players to just the reserve

Get gutted, my thirst, and Bicuspids insure anybody running the turf
Gets gnawed, crunched, sawed, and cut for lusting my verse

Sex with a beat, instrumental clandestinely breached, mentally seed
Fertilize, from the Earth they can rise and bring death to the meek

Celestial speech, detonate whole planets when centennial’s reached
gaseous fumes, hazmat suits at least are letting you breath

[classthe_king]

This was dope. Surprised me alot. Your rhymes were dope and you had a great vocabulary. You really need to work on your flow though. All the lines don't seem to come together. And all the random pauses with the commas kind of hurt that too. This is dope though, glad to see another dope writer to join. Didn't you say somewhere your 13? That's impressive if you are.

[MC Anonymous]

This was dope. Surprised me alot. Your rhymes were dope and you had a great vocabulary. You really need to work on your flow though. All the lines don't seem to come together. And all the random pauses with the commas kind of hurt that too. This is dope though, glad to see another dope writer to join. Didn't you say somewhere your 13? That's impressive if you are.

[Solace]

Nice stuff, but I flowed to it well unlike Class+Anon.

*Gets jealous

i used to be the 13 year old everyone was impressed with Haha.

[Nimbus_9]

thank you guys, and i don't interpret commas as pauses, they are just there to show the verse in a way that makes sense, and i know my flow wasn't amazing but it's a struggle between content and flow and here content won

thank you very much guys

and @Class, you ready for Pac to taker out Mayweather?

[Nimbus_9]

Nice stuff, but I flowed to it well unlike Class+Anon.

*Gets jealous

i used to be the 13 year old everyone was impressed with Haha.

lol i'm sorry

[classthe_king]

ahahahaha please. He's 40-0 and that ain't stopping anytime soon

[Nimbus_9]

ahahahaha please. He's 40-0 and that ain't stopping anytime soon

you're probably right

but it'll be close, Pac is on a rampage

[Yah-hah]

yo homie thats some fire right there. definitly suprised me man good job. an ps. pac is gonna win

[gutawafang]

ahahahaha please. He's 40-0 and that ain't stopping anytime soon