One Step Further

[Solace]

(Hip hop!) I'm looking both ways, where all the rappers at?
(Hip hop!) Take the record, in the end it has a savage scratch,
(Hip hop!) My environment, I see it after I have a nap,
(Hip hop!) I experience this, it's the truth, it's my habitat.

[Verse]
Raps, from killing parents all the way to slitting teens,
Rippin' sheets, a natural knack back when I was Epiphany,
Stripping each little lyric sheet that seems a little interesting,
My words have widespread from Toronto to Little Italy,
Dissing me, trying to call me "Tiffany" this shit it seems,
Little to me. Where that wackness came from is a mystery,
Now thinking 'bout when I had first talked to John. E,
Ice ice baby, titanium friendship, connecting strongly,
Now now look at me now, oh wow look at me wow!
They took the old Omar, that kid now couldn't be found,
So I stumbled across an Angel, no not from the skies,
Taught me a lot, he was better than some "other guys",
See, still a fish in the sea, unique is missing in me,
I get it, I get it, no one is looking different from me,
But I keep trying...Fuck quitting, that's like dying,
Fuck gravity, there's a lot more that I could be defying.

[Hook x2]

[DƎRDYPK]

This is very different from your other stuff
I like it though
it looks like something you did up real quick for fun
It's all good though cause I enjoyed the read Omar

[Spyder]

it was wierd for me, like
the multies were good. subject seemed all right
throwing in Tiffany? idk seemed odd to me
but good piece

[Solace]

Thanks both of you.

Dissing me, trying to call me "Tiffany" this shit it seems,

3 previous times other people on this site have tried dissing me when I was known as Epiphany by trying to play with my name and say I'm Tiffany. I was referring to that.

[Spyder]

gotchya

[classthe_king]

Like this alot. Kind of like a emotional story type track. I expecially like those last two lines. Can totally relate to that.

[BILI]

It was nice dude,I loved it,it had some dope rhymes,and it flowed nice
And I liked the hook 2

Mind checkin my new song
viewtopic.php?f=24&t=73857

[Solace]

Thank you guys.

[Relapse.LP]

It's a solid verse, without a doubt.

But things you can improve on... (As I try to give constructive feedback to everyone)

Multies

Yes, you have multi-syllabic rhyming within your piece, but they seem a little... simple. Rhyming two, three, or four syllables isn't very hard and your over-usage of these "simple" rhyme schemes gets repetitive after a while. Try switching up the rhymes or getting more complex with them.

Vocabulary

It would be refreshing to the eyes if you had better vocabulary throughout the verse. If it's difficult to add extensive vocabulary usage to it, don't force it out, but try not to use too many short words like "at" or "shit" or "me" or "that" or "is", ect.

Style

For some odd reason, your style seems very familiar to someone I know. But undoubtedly, the Eminem influence is visible. You should try to switch up your flow & structure a little and it would be great if you applied more wordplay or something more unique like that. Don't get me wrong; you're not biting anyone's style... it just is reminiscent of some previously used styles.

But overall, decent work.

[Solace]

Thanks man. Appreciate your indepth feed.

Wrote it in writers block though, im sorta out of it i guess..Still having troubles writing but I put up another nice piece today i guess so hopefully soon enough im outta it