1st Verse from "Spitting"

[2sDay]

This is my 1st verse from my song "Spitting"
[Verse 1]
Yo, I know what I'm getting myself into,
But, just stop telling me no though,
So, what? fame will kill me?, enough!,
I'm tough and strong I'll handle my own shit,
No, man sit down I don't need that emergency kit,
Im a keep spitting til my mouth gets sour and dry,
And you ain't stopping me, so just give it a try,
You gonna have to wait til i die, Cuz I'm too fly,
To be brought down, Like a gay stupid-ass clown,
With zero self-esteem, a big depressed frown,
And tears that stream faster than the Niagara Falls,
All you haters are insects to me, no disrespect at all,
Little pests that are feeble and think they are the best,
Well why does every label reject you when they put you to the test,
Maybe your so full of yourselves, but your brains' are as small as elves,
A cocky-ass kid, stupid as fuck, that sucks and only twelve,
Man just give up, your run is up and done, put the pad on the shelf,
But now it's my turn to put your name to shame and in flames,
'Cuz the most lyrical, manaical MC arrived to make you his slave,
And claim his territory so run before he puts you in the grave,

[Edge]

Yo, I know what I'm getting myself into,
But, just stop telling me no though,
So, what? fame will kill me?, enough!,

first 3 lines didnt rhyme lol
it flowed pretty nicely though
try adding some multis and wordplay and build on your bars to make them longer... nice read tho, keep working

[2sDay]

fuck i just realized that. in my head it all sounded the same.

[classthe_king]

I don't understand how hard it is to use multis

[Solace]

If I actually critique this it'll be too harsh so for now please take out these lines:

Yo, I know what I'm getting myself into,
But, just stop telling me no though,
So, what? fame will kill me?, enough!,

and:

You gonna have to wait til i die, Cuz I'm too fly,
To be brought down, Like a gay stupid-ass clown,

'Cause they destroy, fuck up, ruin etc. this piece.

And word to that multies are so fucking simple...And every decent artist out there uses them, whatever you've listened to should at least influence you to do that.

[slimsoxshady]

i bet you're one of those people who just write lines....right?
you think of a line that sounds cool and adjust the end so it rhymes with the next line..right?

it just looks that way...and since ur a beginner, thats why you struggle to rhyme

This is what I do:
I make a list of multi-syllable rhymes, at least 5, before i try and put a couple lines together

chips ahoy
stick a toy
hit a boy
ticks annoy
pick up soy
chicks destroy
trip to Troy
system noise

obviously, if you put these rhymes together and it sounds stupid and doesn't make sense, you move on to making another list.

Very systematic, and makes things really simple imo. I never write lines until i have rhymes. Also by usig this strategy, you usually end up rhyming more than just end words, since you have those extra rhymes at ur desposal, u fit em in between the end rhymes.

[Solace]

^That verse would be so dope itd be like

Eating chips ahoy after a stick a toy into a little boy,
Then I hit the boy, damn all these little ticks annoy,
My ripped thick dick gets these chicks destroyed,
I woke up, doped up and I hear my alarm clocks system noise.

luls its a dream get it?

[slimsoxshady]

lol good shit Solace

[Solace]

Slimsoxshady feat. Solace - Chips Ahoy

oh yeah 2sday,

you usually end up rhyming more than just end words, since you have those extra rhymes at ur desposal, u fit em in between the end rhymes.

Would be referred to as internal rhymes (or internal multies if they're multies)

[slimsoxshady]

Overkast feat. Solace - Chips Ahoy

fixed...gotta bust out my actual rap name if we gonna start making shit official. My profile name is Stan to the extreme and the hood won't show me love when I'm tryina slang CD's from my trunk, ya dig