A Long Walk(revised structure)

[Just Silver]

This walk i take to my school and back, makes me the wondering type
a fool in fact. ive always been white, but this stretch i freestyle the way,
you bet
these thoughts and words, stay describing the pain, promenade,
that fades, and blames,
drugs for my local house thugs, that come stealing my shit,
hidden in wastebaskets,
and people assure me like it aint happenin, thats bullshit i get so anxious and fret,
sanctioning rests,
to cuss the sky that you bless, thats made my world a hell,
terns have fell,
from my poisonous herbal melt, within a pipe of green and a loyal male
which being myself,
has been this cell, never thought i would just rip this shelf,
until all knickknacks collapse,
fuck the softness tense up your back
remember what happened in the past, let regret fuel ,
you get half a laugh if not by full moon,
you get tacked, in this preferring sap, that had been none of the slack,
it made a race for you
finery fire, elaborate plans to kill your desired miss shaven smiles with croc teeth
Steve Erwin
on these bitches until the "rays" "dropped" me,
a king of palace of thought, jesters are weed, weapons are walls and the enemy seems,
to be on both teams, spies being nosy, why should i ride for these phonies,
no i dont know me,
not well adapted to this walk, to the clouds to my atlas, cut the track, so i cant find where my map is, and walk this road now what has happened?

[Fa-Q]

I love your rhyme scheme in this but no one can appreciate it if you don't distinguish the lines better

[Just Silver]

im forgetting about that stuff ill try but im not great with structure as you've seen lol

[Just Silver]

hope this works better ..bump

[Spyder]

i just cant flow it, it fucks with my head
though it look like you got some dope lines
the "rays dropped me"
steve erwin was nice

[Just Silver]

i just cant flow it, it fucks with my head
though it look like you got some dope lines
the "rays dropped me"
steve erwin was nice

lol i can flow to it but its rather difficult and requires many pauses but its something that i was trying to describe like all my thoughts and shit when im walking home or anywhere else for that matter

[Enimee]

i can fuck wit it, i see what your doin man way tooo go keep atit